Saturday, January 19, 2008

Like a Moth to a Flame

Theme of the week: getting burned in the doomed-from-the-start-relationship. Bad boys are the men women are attracted to (or women men are attracted to, and the rest of the possible combinations of the two sexes) who are toxic, trouble, and a whole bunch of other things that lead to pain, problems and heartache. Occasionally heartburn as well (see that book/film by Nora Ephram/ Mike Nichols, for a good example).

These babies are also fun, charming, sexy, exciting, etc. Bad Boys happens to be the name of a bail bond site (“because your momma wants you home” being the tagline)…what does that tell you? I have a friend who refers to problem stocks as bad boys (or dogs, equally fitting).

How did your bad boy/girl make you feel? Perhaps like you were a fun, charming, sexy, exciting person. Maybe you felt lucky to have landed such a catch. Were you basking in their glory? Feeling more interesting and desirable yourself?

Seriously, being involved with exciting people makes us feel better about ourselves…for a minute. The honeymoon period is generally fantastic. Trips, gifts and expensive dinners (okay, adjust down for age and income to movie-dates, cute trinkets and paying for your dinner at Red Lobster). We’re digging that attention, the high of someone so attractive being attracted to us, and the envy (or presumed envy) of onlookers. It’s only later that your friends admit they were concerned from the get-go. Nobody likes to burst your bubble. And even if they do, of course you don’t believe them. They’re just jealous, right?

As usual, we have to give up the momentary high for the long-term, lasting pleasure. There are fun, charming, sexy and exciting people who didn’t unceremoniously dump their last love for you, don’t have a reputation for being players and aren’t just interested in the best, new thing as long as it’s new. And a novel idea, try singledom for a while. It can be a really great way to figure out who you are, what you really want in a relationship and how to stay away from the flame, even though it does burn so bright.

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