As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book,
Stumbling on Happiness, we don't
always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners
likely to make us happy.
My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list
of things they seek in their next mate, who absolutely, positively has to be
attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise
or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, etc. You may want to reconsider that list.
While we say
we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us
do), recent
research shows that the handsome partner who is not
understanding will be a terrible disappointment. And it follows that the
not-so-handsome mate who is very understanding will bring us more happiness.
The traits that reflect our deepest, intrinsic desires
are most important in guaranteeing satisfaction with our partner.
What we really need are:
1. Warmth. This person desires intimacy with you. Read more here...
