Bette Davis Eyes

From the Maybelline website:

Whether you want volume, length, curves or definition, you’ll get your best lash look with our winning formulas.

It's Maybelline folks, we're talking eyelashes here. This morning on NPR's Marketplace I heard that the Botox people are about to bring us a new pill; it's one that makes lashes thicker, longer and darker. I am not kidding.

If we're already dissatisfied with our face, hair, boobs, butts, or any other body parts, we can now add eyelashes to the list of our inadequacies.

I know for all the actualized folks out there, these things are superficial and barely worth a thought; you know, like the folks on jezebel.com who think that it's only the Sex and the City women that care about clothes etc. ("Do they have hobbies, aside from shopping? " http://jezebel.com/5012292/i-like-sex-i-like-this-city-i-hated-sex-and-the-city). As for the rest of us slobs, we're gonna have to consider whether we need some lash enhancement above and beyond mascara, along with our other enhancements and dehancements.

You can tell I think this is absurd. It does concern me though. The thought that there are a bunch of people out there, primarily women, okay, and some gay men, who are going to see the ads for this inane product and think: hmmm, what about my lashes? Do they have the volume and curves I need?

I know, let the buyer beware, but honestly.

Please, you've got to count your blessings. These include your strengths, be they Bette Davis eyes, Marie Curie brains or Anne Frank courage. Forget the pills. Stick with mascara.

Her hair is Harlowe gold,
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold,
She's got Bette Davis eyes
(Bette Davis Eyes, Kim Carnes)