Life Coach Notes, Summer 2019

Click here to see my Summer, 2019 Newsletter, with my recent articles about health and wellness, relationships and making meaningful changes in your life. Read it here. 

5 Ways To Stop Obsessing About Your Looks (And What It Means If You Do)

You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that American women are obsessed with their appearance and constantly worrying about their looks. We all want to know how to look pretty, how to look hot and even how to look younger. 

According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, in 2016 over 4.5 million Botox injections were performed, with the total price tag for surgical and non-surgical aesthetic procedures topping 15 billion dollars. Only 9% of recipients were men.

Allure reports that 2017 was the “unofficial” year of plumped-up lips. The predictions for what will be hot in 2018 include the laser bra lift, the new Botox, upper and lower eye-lid filler and customized labia (ouch!). My personal fav is the so-called vampire breast lift. As you might guess, blood is involved. And here I was thinking Allure was cool for banning the term “anti-aging.”

 Read more here...

What I Love About The Amazing Lena Dunham

Why is it so surprising that Lena Dunham's Vogue cover was airbrushed? It's not, of course. What is actually surprising is that this edgy, unique, quirky, eccentric, female talent is on the cover of Vogue at all. Far from model-thin, she has this beautiful face that someone you know might have, not the standard beauty of a Hollywood actress. 

You don't have to be twenty-something to find Dunham inspiring. These are my takeaways:

• ”Some shit is just too ridiculous to engage," as she Tweeted about this whole Vogue controversy. In other words, don't sweat the small stuff. It may take a few deep, cleansing breaths and a good talk with a girlfriend to realize it's small stuff, but try to figure it out.

Read more here... 

Wait a Minute…Women’s Weight Concerns

A recent study found that 30% of women would trade at least a year of their life to attain their idea body image.  10% would trade 2-5 years!!!  These same women are apparently willing to sacrifice money, promotions, time with family and their health, for this same goal of attaining ideal body weight and shape.

Wait a minute.  Have they ever heard of exercise and eating a healthy diet?  I’m reminded of boob jobs and, my recent favorite, surgery to produce elf ears.   Yes, seriously.

But there are reasons for their concerns.  Almost half of the women in the study had been ridiculed because of their appearance.  Almost all had negative thoughts about their physical appearance within the prior week.  The real kicker, 98% were within the normal range for weight.

I’ve gone on about healthy eating and exercise before.  Let me try something a little different here.  How often have you done the following:

-Told a woman (friend, lover, sister) teen or girl that she looks great, healthy or fit?

-Complimented a woman for eating healthy?

-Praised a woman for keeping up her exercise routine?

-Accepted that a woman doesn’t want seconds or dessert the first time she declines?

-Suggested a woman take some time for herself to go to the gym or take a walk?

Can you think of other ways to support the women in your life in their exercise and dietary goals?  I have to say, I’m a healthy eater and an avid exerciser.  Some would use other adjectives to describe my eating and exercise.  People tease me about both.  I’m suggesting that we try to support women and girls in their efforts, and offer appropriate praise for physical appearance.  And when doubt strikes, wait a minute, and ask yourself what’s really important?

Beautiful Soul, Jesse McCartney

Brilliant But Self-Conscious

Isn’t it odd that the most renowned architect of the 20th century worried about being photographed wearing glasses? Apparently, none of the photos you will see of Frank Lloyd Wright show him in specs. And his height (he was a bit vertically challenged) was something he tried to hide as well. That really hit me as I toured Taliesin West, an example of Wright’s amazing work. We were told he had 161 projects on his desk when he died at the age of 91.

The man was arguably the most important architect of the 20th century. He developed a type of organic architecture that was ahead of its time and served to shape the future of architecture, along with many smaller but important inventions and advances.

Wright also had a following of talented people who lived and worked at Taliesin West and it became a school of architecture which it remains to this day. The place has a commune-like feel in the best sense and was clearly a novel way of nurturing learning and creativity; his own and others.

So how is it that someone so brilliant, successful and creative could be concerned about trivial aspects of personal appearance?

Perhaps the thing we must master is the integration of our strong selves with our weaker parts. Whether that strength comes from our successful career, our parenting, our civic mindedness, or anything else we excel at. If we can tap into our strength and use it to offset our weakness, it makes for a much happier whole.

Just consider how you can use one of your signature strengths to make today more fulfilling. You might spend time with a friend to cheer them up instead of worrying about how that dress is going to look at the party, now that you’re put on a few pounds. Or really notice how good you are at one aspect of your work, accepting that you can’t do everything brilliantly.  And about those glasses, they make you look more intelligent.

Bette Davis Eyes

From the Maybelline website:

Whether you want volume, length, curves or definition, you’ll get your best lash look with our winning formulas.

It's Maybelline folks, we're talking eyelashes here. This morning on NPR's Marketplace I heard that the Botox people are about to bring us a new pill; it's one that makes lashes thicker, longer and darker. I am not kidding.

If we're already dissatisfied with our face, hair, boobs, butts, or any other body parts, we can now add eyelashes to the list of our inadequacies.

I know for all the actualized folks out there, these things are superficial and barely worth a thought; you know, like the folks on jezebel.com who think that it's only the Sex and the City women that care about clothes etc. ("Do they have hobbies, aside from shopping? " http://jezebel.com/5012292/i-like-sex-i-like-this-city-i-hated-sex-and-the-city). As for the rest of us slobs, we're gonna have to consider whether we need some lash enhancement above and beyond mascara, along with our other enhancements and dehancements.

You can tell I think this is absurd. It does concern me though. The thought that there are a bunch of people out there, primarily women, okay, and some gay men, who are going to see the ads for this inane product and think: hmmm, what about my lashes? Do they have the volume and curves I need?

I know, let the buyer beware, but honestly.

Please, you've got to count your blessings. These include your strengths, be they Bette Davis eyes, Marie Curie brains or Anne Frank courage. Forget the pills. Stick with mascara.

Her hair is Harlowe gold,
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold,
She's got Bette Davis eyes
(Bette Davis Eyes, Kim Carnes)