Could Pickleball Be Your Happiness Hack?

 

 Photo by Aleksander Saks on Unsplash

When an announcement for a beginner’s pickleball class appeared in my inbox I wondered if it might be just the opportunity I needed. It could be a chance to replace the casual social connections I’d lost during covid, when my yoga and running buddies fell by the wayside for various reasons. The absence of those social connections created a happiness and well-being deficit. The conversations we have, sharing little snippets of life, sometimes over the course of years, don’t seem like much, until they’re gone. This is especially true if, like me, you work from home.

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What Can You Do About Ageism? Play By Your Own Rules

Photo by Vlad Sargu on Unsplash

Take charge and do things that create wellbeing regardless of your age.

While minding my own business, reading a book review on-line, up pops an ad, “Finally, A Great Lipstick For The Mature Woman.” Later, on a weather app, “Trendy Dresses for Older Women.” Google, as always, was minding my business.

It’s not just the internet pointing out your age, it’s other people. From the physician telling you after a fall that hiking is something to reconsider, to the endless griping about the gerontocracy in our government, people tell us we’re old and there’s stuff we just shouldn’t be doing anymore.

These rules about the dos and don’ts of aging have effects. Ageism abounds and so does its negative impact on your health. It can literally shorten your life.

If you believe the ageism messages saying you can no longer do certain things and be a meaningful member of society, it’s the self-fulfilling prophecy on steroids. The self-fulfilling prophecy is the idea that when you think something is going to happen, then it’s pretty easy to alter your behavior to align with that belief—Oh, I’m too old to learn a language? No point trying to learn Italian.

In fact, research has shown that, as we age, we tend to experience higher levels of wellbeing, greater satisfaction with life and even more emotional stability.  

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Life Coach Notes, Summer 2019

Click here to see my Summer, 2019 Newsletter, with my recent articles about health and wellness, relationships and making meaningful changes in your life. Read it here. 

How To Deal With (And Get OVER) The Roughest Times In Your Life

Life is not a bowl of cherries…it's more like the box of chocolates Forrest Gump's mother told him about…you never know what you're going to get.

Those chocolates you'd rather not be eating, they're what drive people to therapy. When I consider the issues people often bring to therapy…coping with a loss, a personal failure, an empty nest, a divorce…it seems like some bounce back much more quickly than others. What's the magic ingredient?

A new theory of adaptability suggests that diversifying your personal portfolio is a sustainable method of boosting your resilience to the ups and downs of life.

Do you know how your investment portfolio is supposed to be diversified? You have stocks, bonds, mutual funds, property and the like, some riskier than others. While you probably won't get rich quick, you will avoid taking a hard fall that totally wipes you out. A diversified portfolio makes your financial well-being more resilient to the ups and downs of the market.

There is evidence that expanding the number of roles, relationships and experiences in your life provides a kind of personal diversification that increases emotional resilience, that ability to bounce back, along with happiness and self-esteem.

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The Value of Bromances and 3 Ways to Build Them

There are have been a lot of famous bromances throughout history. Explorers Lewis and Clark. Presidents Adams and Jefferson. Authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. President Obama and VP Biden. And, of course, a bromance for the ages: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

 But don’t laugh at or make light of the bromance! Because research shows that relationships — friendships included —  are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Yes, your (or your man’s) bromance might just help him live longer!

That’s because loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress.

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common.

But we may not teach boys and men how to be good friends.

We expect our friends to be available for activities, to reach out to us and to stay in touch, and I’m sorry to say that men are often not so good with reaching out and staying in touch — behaviors that nurture relationships.

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3 Ways To Build A Super Strong Bromance (Because Guys Need Friends, Too!)

There are have been a lot of famous bromances throughout history. Explorers Lewis and Clark. Presidents Adams and Jefferson. Authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. President Obama and VP Biden. And, of course, a bromance for the ages: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

But don't laugh at or make light of the bromance! Because research shows that relationships — friendships included —  are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Yes, your (or your man's) bromance might just help him live longer!

That's because loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress.

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common.

But we may not teach boys and men how to be good friends. 

Read more here…

5 Ways To Get Out Of The Bad Mood That's Ruining Your Day

My ballet career ended abruptly after a performance as Tinker Bell in Peter Pan. 

Remember when Tinker Bell is dying and the audience has to clap to bring her back to life? Instead of gracefully floating down facing the audience, I flopped down with my butt toward the crowd. 

I must have been about six. 

I can still hear the barely stifled snickers, probably from siblings forced to attend.

While there were many positive events in my childhood, the memories of them tend to be less elaborate and persistent than the Peter Pan incident, as it became known in my family. 

There were recitals in which I did not blunder. Why don't I remember them?

The psychological reason is simple: the bad outweighs the good.

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Keeping The Bromance Alive. Yes, You Can!

Now that Obama and Biden have left the building, is the bromance over? We'll have to wait and see. But why not use this as an opportunity to evaluate your relationships with your bruhs.

Why bother? Because research shows that relationships are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress. 

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of a book about men's friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common. We also expect our friends to be available for activities, to reach out to us and to stay in touch.

I'm sorry to say that men are often not so good with reaching out and staying in touch, behaviors that nurture relationships. When you're young, it doesn't take much. You go to games, work on projects or party together. As those activities disappear, generally after college, you have to find new reasons to get together. 

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Click here to see my Spring, 2016 Newsletter, with my recent posts and others I've enjoyed on health and wellness, relationships, dating and post-divorce adjustment. And there's news about my new office. Read it here…

For the next 5 days my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, is available FREE.

My Summer, 2015, Newsletter and FREE Book

The year's top posts on social media, health and wellness, relationships and post-divorce adjustment are all in my newsletter. You will also find a link to my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, which is available FREE for the next 3 days.

The newsletter starts like this:

Reflecting my continuing interest in social media, this post was published on Care2 Healthy Living and Thought Catalogue:

·         6 Reasons Saying Bye To Facebook Will Make You A Happier Person. People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

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7 Surprising Ways You Can Boost Your Happiness

My son flew home recently and told me how he arrived at his seat and promptly put on headphones to avoid taking to anyone. I explained that a recent study found that those who talk to the person beside them on a plane or train arrive happier. He wasn't buying it.

We all know that doing meaningful work, being with people you love and avoiding all things toxic increase happiness. Then there are unexpected things, like talking to strangers on planes, that increase happiness. Here are a few other unexpected happiness boosters:

1.       Buy experiential products. You may know that experiences, like your last vacation trip, make you happier than things, like your lovely new sofa. What you may not know is that buying things that are related to experiences, like the Garmin for those long runs I love, creates and enhances happiness more than buying non-experiential products. Memo to self: the last pretty watch I bought neither created nor enhanced my experience of anything.

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7 Ways We Rationalize The Happiness Out Of Life

As I approach a birthday, one with a ginormous number, a wise coach posed the question: If not now, when? I was grumbling about how I hadn't been getting enough done but I really wanted to spend more time reading, watching movies and the World Cup, in other words, engaging in activities that would result in getting even less done. If not now, when?, she asked.

My coach had a valid point. Perhaps you use some of these same rationalizations, as you avoid pursuing your passions and desires: 

1.  I'll do it next year. It might be the big trip you've been talking about for eons. Perhaps time and/or money are getting in the way of you taking that Alaskan cruise or visiting India. These are my fantasy trips, not yours, but surely you have a place you've always wanted to go? Or that thing you've been hoping to get to do? 

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