5 Ways To Get Out Of The Bad Mood That's Ruining Your Day

My ballet career ended abruptly after a performance as Tinker Bell in Peter Pan. 

Remember when Tinker Bell is dying and the audience has to clap to bring her back to life? Instead of gracefully floating down facing the audience, I flopped down with my butt toward the crowd. 

I must have been about six. 

I can still hear the barely stifled snickers, probably from siblings forced to attend.

While there were many positive events in my childhood, the memories of them tend to be less elaborate and persistent than the Peter Pan incident, as it became known in my family. 

There were recitals in which I did not blunder. Why don't I remember them?

The psychological reason is simple: the bad outweighs the good.

Read more here...

It’s Kind of a Funny Story. Positive Psychology in Action

It’s not a great film, but It's Kind of a Funny Story is endearing, palatable for the teen crowd (Zach Galifanakis helps here) and filled with great messages.

Cliff notes version: teen contemplates suicide, enters psych ward, meets interesting people and has his Dorothy moment in which he sees that he has everything he needs in his own backyard.

Messages:

Be grateful for what you have and take the time to notice it

Help others before self

People matter and connecting matters

Have real conversations about real stuff

Find your passion, not to be confused with what others think your passion should be

And there were a few messages for parents. Parents, don’t confuse what you want with what’s good for your kids. Kids have to figure out their own passions and make their own choices. Be supportive. Don’t pressure. Notice what’s going on with your kids.

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Teach your children well.

Reduce Holiday Stress. Re-gift

I am surrounded by people stressing about the holidays. At the office, at the mall (where I went mistakenly thinking picking up a few items was going to be a slam dunk), in restaurants, everywhere. Never one to stand on ceremony, I’m going full disclosure; I have taken some of these suggestions from a recently penned post-divorce blog. It’s kind of like re-gifting, which is a perfectly acceptable stress reducer as long as it’s done unobtrusively. Manage holiday stress with a few changes.

*Acceptance is golden. Last year things didn’t go perfectly well, and they won’t this year. Accept that truth. Aunt Sally didn’t like her sweater (next time get her a gift card) and your dad complained about the turkey. It’s okay to do the best you can. It’s good enough because it has to be. If you and your brother didn’t get along well before, you’re not going to get along better now just because another year has passed. If the kids argue normally, they’re going to argue even though it’s the holidays.

*Money can’t buy you love. In the present economy, most of us just don’t have as much as before. The kids can do with less. Either they’re old enough to understand or too young to care about exactly how much money you spent. Your friends will understand if you don’t have as much to give as you did before.

*Be helpful. Volunteering to serve a holiday dinner to people in need is a fulfilling experience and one that can make even the most stressful holiday warmer and more upbeat. If you can’t serve, considering giving food or money.

*Be thankful. It’s the end of a year and the beginning of another, so be thankful for what you do have. What a great time to start a gratitude journal or a gratitude book for the whole family. And speaking of gifts, gratitude letters are great gifts. So are personalized cards expressing thanks to friends and family for specific things. And so are photo books and other handmade or made-to-order personalized gifts that are not too expensive.

*Be social. Although we don’t always get along with our loved ones, even for the most diehard introverts, holidays are tough alone. If need be, invite yourself someplace. Friends and colleagues are usually more than happy to make room for one or two more.

Happy holidays! Thanks for reading my blog, and feel free to re-gift me anytime.

Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.
The Beatles. Can’t Buy Me Love.

Gratitude Adjustment

Kristin Armstrong gives some great advice in her Runner's World piece, Feeling Lucky?  She suggests that we adjust our attitudes by considering how lucky we are to be able to run.  Yup.  We're lucky we get to run. 

People always tell me how grateful they are after natural or unnatural disaster strikes and they are spared.  They comment on how they shouldn't complain because they know people in much more dire straits than they are in themselves.  I usually comment that everything's relative.  We all have our own personal pain, issues and burdens.

But I've gotta say that when you actually have the perspective than you are indeed much better off than many and can feel the gratitude for what you do have and are able to do, it's pretty sweet.  As Kristin suggests, how about thinking that you get to run you kids all over the universe, get to make dinner for them or get to work out?

I've written about gratitude before and will point out again that gratitude exercises (like keeping a gratitude journal) enhance psychological well-being  and physical health in a variety of ways.

Thanks for reading my blog.  And I still love Dido's Thank You.

It's That Time Again

I've written about gratitude before, here, and in my newsletter. I hate to belabor it, but it is Thanksgiving in this part of the world. So here's something you may find useful. Emmons wrote about it in his book Thanks!, having borrowed it from the Buddhist meditation technique Niakan. Reflect on these three questions:

• What have I received from ...?


• What have I given to ...?


• What troubles and difficulty have I caused ...?

By means of these questions we focus on the gifts we receive, those we give and those we, perhaps, have chosen not to give. This last, of course, is about being ungrateful. The idea is to focus on these questions daily for some period of time, or at greater length while considering a particular relationship. Of course, you can use them in any way that seems helpful in your life.

And thanks, again, for reading my blog.

Imagine all the people, sharing all the world...John Lennon, Imagine

Raindrops Keep Falling

I try to stay away from religion and politics in this blog. It’s difficult with everything going on today, but probably sensible. Current events not falling into one of those categories are okay and I just had to say something about Paul Newman’s death, even though everyone else in the universe has, as well. Talk about a dark day.

There are many of us who grew up in the greater New York metro area spending hour upon hour, many a rainy afternoon, with Million Dollar Movie. To us, the movie stars of the 50s and 60s were as familiar as the boy next door. And I surely loved them as much. Well in truth, probably more. Paul Newman, though, with his longevity, is almost in a class by himself. I have to put him right up there with Cary Grant. Intelligent, sexy and often mysterious, along with many others, they created images of what men were supposed to be. Woe to the men in my life. There’s a lot to measure up to there.

One of the things I love about Paul Newman is the irreverence in many of his characters. But it always came along with a heavy dose of goodness and caring about others. I can’t recall if he’s ever played a real bad guy. Okay, the NY Times tells me he did in Road to Perdition. Maybe a few more. Certainly some bad boys, but they were usually good at the core. And in life he was a humanitarian, giving back in so many ways.

I can actually remember more than a dozen movies without googling. I’ve always had heartfelt thanks for those brave souls that put themselves out there in order to entertain us. Yeah, I know a lot of them get paid an awful lot, but not all, and definitely not for as long as Newman. It’s hard to have staying power in that business. So many must be in the same situation as the rest of the country, seeing their retirement savings dwindling. But I’m digressing.

So this is a small homage to the hombre. Without resorting to google, I can say my favorite Paul Newman flick is Butch Cassidy. With gratitude I’m planning to spend some serious time reviewing the films, just to remember and honor all he gave, in my small way.

May the raindrops keep falling on your head.

And the Oscar Goes To...

I love the movies. Of course, I had to watch the academy awards to see the rich and famous do their thing. And what’s up with our fascination with the dark side this year? Well maybe it’s not just this year. After all, the Hitchcock scenes are timeless (Cary Grant running in that field) and definitely dark.

The awards themselves are a great example of gratitude at work. Thanking people for their hard work in a public forum watched by millions. Okay, less millions than usual, but millions nevertheless.

My community has a heart of the community award given annually to several people who have provided community service par excellence. The chamber gives an award, the optimist club and so on. More gratitude.

So for those that pooh- pooh Oscar, just think of it as gratitude to those fabulous artists who make us laugh, cry, dream, and, best of all, think.

READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT CLUES TO THE ENDINGS.

Think about this: Should Jesse James, Anton Chugurh, and Daniel Plainview all have been on meds? Did any of them have any redeeming qualities? Why did Anton get to walk away?

What about Llewelyn Moss, and Eli Sunday? Surely they had some issues. Were Llewelyn and Eli good? Bad? Both good and bad? Why were they both punished?

Who would you award Oscar to in your life? In what category would you receive your Oscar? Hint: Think about your strengths. And dream on.

Thank You

I've been pondering gratitude for awhile now. Even some of my best friends turn up their noses at the notion that thanking someone or being grateful, can actually have a significant impact on the psyche. Now I'm thinking of the client, depressed for months, who said, very loudly, yelling I believe: "Why is everyone telling me to volunteer at the homeless shelter? Like that's going to make me less depressed!!!!!"

That complaint notwithstanding, research shows that performing acts of kindness, counting one's blessings, keeping a weekly gratitude log, and the like, do improve our sense of well-being. I suppose part of it is about merely thinking in terms of gratitude. To come up with five acts of kindness in one day as was the method in one study, you'd have to start spending quite a bit of time considering how to actually do that. All that time would then be spent in positive thinking.

I'll be at the soccer fields most of the weekend. Offer someone a bottle of water. Tell the team manager she's doing a great job. Thank the coach for his efforts...okay, especially if we lose. Let someone in line at the restroom. Thank my friends for coming to watch. Alright, not too difficult.

At the office? Thank the secretary for sorting my mail. Thank someone for getting in touch with me. Buy a box of chocolate for the office (always a winner) for no particular occasion. Give my colleague a late birthday card. Thank a colleague for referring a client.

Okay, not so difficult. But you do have to take the time. And sometimes it's going to take a little more thought. What if you stay home alone all day? Send a thank you email? Why not.

Thanks for reading my blog.