Why Being Perfect Won't Make You As Happy As You Think (And 6 Things That Actually Will)

I think of them, affectionately, as perfectionistas. Those people who begin a sentence with, “I know nothing’s perfect, but…” But what? There is no “but.” Nothing’s perfect.

Linked with suicide, addiction, anxiety, anorexia, depression, high blood pressure and early death, according to a recent study, perfectionism is on the rise.

Social media may be driving the upswing as we constantly compare ourselves with others. It’s no surprise that, with teens spending as much as 9 hours a day on social media, and the average daily worldwide social media use estimated at 135 minutes, we experience a desire for the perfect lifestyle, including all the perfect houses, jobs and people we see on-line.

Perfectionism, the relentless striving for flawlessness and excessively high performance, sets the high bar by which we consistently judge ourselves and find ourselves wanting. At the same time the perfectionist worries about how others evaluate them.

I’m anticipating your question, the same one my clients pose: “What’s wrong with trying to be as perfect as possible?”

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7 Surprising Ways You Can Boost Your Happiness

My son flew home recently and told me how he arrived at his seat and promptly put on headphones to avoid taking to anyone. I explained that a recent study found that those who talk to the person beside them on a plane or train arrive happier. He wasn't buying it.

We all know that doing meaningful work, being with people you love and avoiding all things toxic increase happiness. Then there are unexpected things, like talking to strangers on planes, that increase happiness. Here are a few other unexpected happiness boosters:

1.       Buy experiential products. You may know that experiences, like your last vacation trip, make you happier than things, like your lovely new sofa. What you may not know is that buying things that are related to experiences, like the Garmin for those long runs I love, creates and enhances happiness more than buying non-experiential products. Memo to self: the last pretty watch I bought neither created nor enhanced my experience of anything.

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Overachievers, Perfectionists and Supermoms

The November, 2011 issue of Psychology Today has a piece about overachievers.  Included is the supermom.  Psychologist Diane Halpern points out that women still do more child care and work in the home.  Their work outside the home is also on the rise.  It’s proposed that women want to be the perfect wife, mother, worker,  citizen, volunteer, etc.,  because we worry about how others will judge us.  I’d add in sex kitten, soul mate and child therapist explaining why so many of my clients are ready to go completely berserk.  We’re always trying to meet the requirements we’ve internalized about what it means to be a woman today.

According to psychologist Gordon Flett, this is a recipe for exhaustion and health problems, including depression.  Speaking of life balance, you may have to give up something, he points out.

My suggestions:

*Consider what’s important in your life right now and focus on those things.

* Be prepared to let a few things go.  Maybe you’ll pick them up later if they’re really important.

*Ask for support.  Don’t tell me it’s easier to do it yourself.  That’s true only in the short-term.  Long-term, help is good.

*Forget being perfect.  There is no perfect.

*Try not to worry about how others judge you.  People usually care far less about us than we think.  And if they are judging, who has that right?

Think outside the house with the white picket fence.  What does being a woman today mean to you?  What does life balance mean to you?  Why do you care so much about what others think?

Fuckin’ Perfect, Pink

Nobody Cares if You’re Not a Good Dancer

Nobody cares if you're not a good dancer. Just get up and dance. The same holds true for racing. Whether first or last, we all cross that same finish line. Just get out there and run. Dean Karnazes, Ultrarunner & Writer

Think about that for a moment. How many things do you decide not to do because you think you won’t do them well enough? I’m not advocating mediocrity, but sometimes you just have to get out there and dance. Or write. Or go back to school. Or do karaoke. Or try on-line dating. Or talk to the cute guy/girl at Whole Foods. Or…you fill in the blank.

I’m just saying you have to try not to limit yourself by expectations of perfection, or worry about how you’ll look or sound, or whatever else your inner critic tells you.

After all, if you don’t like dancing, you don’t have to keep doing it. But how will you know if you never try?

For inspiration:  Just Dance.  Lady Gaga

No One's Perfect

You don’t get to wear a NY Yankee jersey by being a talented little league player. Sure, ability is essential. But you have to combine that with the passion. You’ve got to want it more badly than anything else and work harder to get it than seems humanly possible.



That said, you don’t get to wear a LA Angels jersey just by having some talent either. It’s the same drill. And what an amazing wealth of talent between the two teams.

So what happened last night? The Yanks stomped the Angels 4 to 1. But not because they’re more talented. Okay, maybe the jury is still out on that one. More importantly for those striving to be the best in their game, whatever it may be, what happened had to do with human error, pure and simple. How often do you see a shortstop and third baseman looking at one another as the ball drops between them? We saw the pitcher throw wildly to first, missing the out and allowing the runner to advance to second. A third error in a ball glancing off a star center fielder’s glove contributed further to the loss.

What can we make of this? These are world class players on two incredibly good teams.

We all make mistakes. There it is. So give yourself a break next time you don’t quite live up to the standards you’ve set for yourself.

But Derek Jeter…I’m not gonna lie, he was perfect. Have a listen to Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys to get in the mood for a Yankee series.