Easy Does it with Self-Compassion

Only you can shape the movie that you make.

Going easy on yourself is the subject of recent research generating some talk. For example, if you don’t stick to your diet perfectly, maybe beating yourself up is counterproductive. I don’t mean not setting goals, not having expectations and not trying your best. I mean showing a little self-compassion if you don’t get the 20 new clients this month, don’t finish your to-do list today, or feel tired and sleep an extra hour.

Not surprisingly, those with more self-compassion are happier, less anxious, less angry and do better with goal attainment. Why, you ask? You know, it takes a lot of time and energy to engage your inner critic. Guilt and negativity are also energy zappers. On the other hand, taking a day off to play is replenishing and invigorating. In this way, going easy on yourself can allow you to face your challenges with renewed energy.

How about going easy on yourself? Think about these:

*Where can you be more tolerant of your own failings or limitations? Can you cut yourself some slack and accept your limits or figure out how you can address your limits productively?

*Do you tend to keep your pain inside and hide it from others, maybe even from yourself? Who could you share your troubles with and how would it make you feel to do so?

*How much time do you spend at the pity party? What can you do, instead, to restore sanity, balance and energy?

So don’t bother to run that last mile, eat the ice cream and leave work early this week…just kidding. But seriously, you may not always want to run the last mile you planned because you didn’t get enough rest last night. It’s okay. Tomorrow is a great day for that extra mile.

And if you know who you are, you are your own superstar.
Easy Does It. Supertramp.

Nobody Cares if You’re Not a Good Dancer

Nobody cares if you're not a good dancer. Just get up and dance. The same holds true for racing. Whether first or last, we all cross that same finish line. Just get out there and run. Dean Karnazes, Ultrarunner & Writer

Think about that for a moment. How many things do you decide not to do because you think you won’t do them well enough? I’m not advocating mediocrity, but sometimes you just have to get out there and dance. Or write. Or go back to school. Or do karaoke. Or try on-line dating. Or talk to the cute guy/girl at Whole Foods. Or…you fill in the blank.

I’m just saying you have to try not to limit yourself by expectations of perfection, or worry about how you’ll look or sound, or whatever else your inner critic tells you.

After all, if you don’t like dancing, you don’t have to keep doing it. But how will you know if you never try?

For inspiration:  Just Dance.  Lady Gaga

Original Thought

In a recent NPR fundraiser, I heard that Joshua Bell has a new recording of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. I can’t even imagine how many recording of the Four Seasons are in existence. But my next thought: If Bell can record the Four Seasons again, and people will listen to it, as they surely will, what does this say about originality in art? My clients (and I) often wonder if the thing we’re trying to create is really new, creative, original, worth doing and so forth.

Part of the problem is our gremlin, or inner critic, who tells us we’re not good enough, no matter what we do. The inner critic, of course, applies not only to artistic endeavors. It is often quite active when we consider personal decisions, make life choices and even when we decide who we’re voting for. In short, the inner critic or gremlin, is that nagging voice of reason, or perhaps unreason.

Why write about originality, the gremlin asks? Surely others have been there, done that and got the t-shirt. Heck, they’ve designed the t-shirt. And they’ve probably done it better and created a cooler t-shirt. So says my gremlin.

But I say, you can do it. We can have personal takes and creative ideas about subjects that have been done and redone. It doesn’t matter that John Updike’s new novel will have an aging theme, and that it’s been done before quite well by others. I’ll still try to read it because I like Updike and I know he’ll have something interesting to say and he’ll say it in a remarkable and completely engaging way.

We can even have original thoughts about our own original thoughts. Updike himself has written about aging before. Occasionally I read something I’ve written a year or more ago, okay, even 8 weeks ago, and see it differently. I start to have new ideas that are linked to the original, yet different. I do a new group on life balance and start with a somewhat different organizing theme and it turns out to be a totally different experience. And, stay tuned, I plan to write about life balance again from that perspective.

Granted, we’re not all Joshua Bell or John Updike. That’s not the point. We’re who we are, original by definition, and the joy and fun of it is in just doing it. Whatever “it” is.

I saw Coldplay sing Viva la Vida on SNL. They’re doing a tour by the same name. I can’t even imagine how many times they’ve done the song. It sounded new and different, and man did it look like they were having fun.