How Many Therapists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

One—it takes one therapist to change a lightbulb. But it really has to want to change.

In these trying times, when we’re all trying to control anxiety and depression about the state of the world, learning to change how you react is a process. My yoga practice helps keep me grounded in how to learn, something we adults often lose sight of.

When you embark on a yoga practice like Ashtanga, you must have an intention to master the poses, breath and flow.

Fully committing to the practice is essential for progress. It’s not that it has to be done daily. It’s more that you practice on some type of regular basis with the goal of being all in.

Experimentation is required. Does it work better this way, or that way?

It’s not about comparing yourself to others. It’s about comparing yourself to yourself. Wow! I couldn’t do this when I started.

You don’t want to phone it in. Even if it’s a crappy day and you can’t do half of what you did just two days ago. You want to be present and mindful.

These principles of learning (intention to achieve mastery, commitment to regular practice, willingness to experiment, being fully present and mindful) relate to a lot of things in life. I think they relate directly to the process of change.

If you want to change your reactions to anxiety-provoking or depressing situations, you must follow these principles as you would to learn anything. And, of course, you really have to want to change.

 

7 Self-Help Tips From My Yoga Practice

I'm never quite sure if yoga imitates life, or vice versa. I am sure the lessons I learn from my yoga practice are the same lessons my clients and friends often struggle with.

Certainly, yoga reduces anxiety and improves mood, but the practice is compelling for its subtle teachings. Whether it's recovering from the breakup, improving your health and wellness, or trying to balance work, family and life, applying these principles will help you grow.

1.      No one is perfect. In yoga, the pose that was so accessible yesterday may feel impossible today. Our bodies are different each day. So are our minds. While yesterday you worked, got the kid to soccer, got your steps in, made dinner and it all felt seamless, tomorrow is a different animal. One hiccup can throw everything off. The angry boss, the veggies you thought you had ready for that healthy meal, or the back pain you woke up with, each can undermine our best laid plans. No one can do it all, all the time. Stop beating yourself up and just order the pizza.         

2.      How you do one thing is how you do everything. My elbows are almost always sticking out, when they should be drawn in. No matter what the pose, this is an adjustment I can almost always make. If I'm honest, I can almost always be kinder, gentler and more present. What do you need to work on each and every day? It probably comes up at work and at home, with strangers and with friends. Start by noticing it.

3.      Practice makes perfect. Did I say perfect? Practice does not make us perfect, but it does make us better. I don't despair about my elbows. Slowly but surely, when I practice with an intention to keep them drawn in, I find it's happening with increasing frequency. If I begin my day with an intention to be that kinder, gentler, more present soul I aspire to be, slowly but surely, I come closer to that goal. Set your intention for the day and work on it.

4.      It's the journey. Some days I find myself ticking through the upcoming poses to see how many more I have until my practice is finished. Have I reached the halfway point? Of course, that's not the point! This is challenging because some days the practice seems so much easier than others, making the journey a lot easier. Counting the days until your child's departure for college or a job far away, you'll find that some days are a lot easier than others. Whether easy or difficult, it's your journey, and your only journey. How can you make the most of each day?

5.      Go with the flow. Some days I'm focused on improving my poses, other days on my breathing, still other days I'm moving effortlessly, feeling the flow. I don't decide in advance. It's just what feels right at that particular time. Recovering from something like a breakup, you might try just doing what you feel. Some days are more productive in one way, some days in another. You might spend a day on your garden, or another with friends. Do what you feel that day. Trust your intuition.

6.      Challenges are a gift. Whether it's a thunderstorm, car backfiring or cat trying to topple me as I practice, each is an opportunity to work on focus and concentration. Distraction gives me the chance to work on heightened control and awareness. You've planned a workout and it's hot, you're tired and you ate too much last night. It's time to focus on your plan and work your way through it the best way you can. Recognizing that you can do more than you thought, or that you really don't want to keep overeating, would each be a good result of facing your challenge.

7.      We're all in the same boat. Sometimes my teacher says plant your left heel or bring your shoulders down--I do it and realize she's actually talking to another student. These little fixes apply to all of us. Some days I'm telling everyone (including myself) the same thing, whether it's to concentrate on keeping your side of the street clean, or to look at the silver lining, or to just experience the bad feeling and allow it to pass. Groups of people with similar issues are powerful because we like to know we're not suffering alone. Remind yourself that you're not the only one. Others have been down this road before and have thrived.

So whatever your struggle, view it as a practice. Each challenge in life is something you face, work through and try to understand. Over time you improve in some ways and find yourself lacking in others. Maybe you worry less and enjoy more. Like yoga, there is no finish line. There's always room to grow.

 Judith Tutin, PhD, ACC, is a licensed psychologist and certified life coach. Connect with her at drjudithtutin.com where you can request a free coaching call to bring more passion, fun and wellness to your life.

Click here to see my Spring, 2016 Newsletter, with my recent posts and others I've enjoyed on health and wellness, relationships, dating and post-divorce adjustment. And there's news about my new office. Read it here…

For the next 5 days my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, is available FREE.

5 Awesome Benefits Yoga And Running Bring To Life

As I ran one day it came to me, in the way that running and yoga bring insights, that there are striking similarities between the experiences of running and yoga. Neither is solely about benefits like relaxation, stress reduction or weight management, because the gains are so much bigger. Most forms of exercise and meditation enable us to practice the same skills and attitudes that also serve us well in life.

If you struggle to achieve balance, joy and growth in your life, choose an appealing form of exercise or yoga-like activity, and try it using these skills and attitudes:

1.  Respect your intelligent edge. We have all paid the price of not respecting the limits of our bodies, of not stopping at our intelligent edge. The result is physical pain or exhaustion after muscling into a pose that's beyond us or running too fast, too long on a given day. While you don't want to be a slacker, you also don't want to overdo.  It's similar to wanting to make partner, recognizing the 16 hour days, seven days a week are killing you, and deciding to slow down. Recognizing that you will get where you need to be eventually, but you only have one body and must respect it, is a useful way to view exercise and life.

2.      Balance energy and goals. Balance requires continually finding the strength to (in no particular order) set goals, achieve goals, set new goals and rework goals. Sometimes an injury gets in the way of moving forward. Sometimes one goal takes precedence over another. I thought I'd find the time to run a marathon this year, but with various things intervening, decided on a half instead. Though headstand is a goal, during each practice I don't necessarily strain to get closer. Learn that all personal and professional endeavors have an energetic push toward goals, while acknowledging that life happens and balance must be sought.

3.      Experience flow. Nothing beats the exhilarating state of flow. In flow one is challenged to perform, but the act is simultaneously effortless. Moving through the asanas of your yoga practice you may move into flow, realizing at some point that you are no longer thinking or evaluating, you're just practicing. On a long run there's often a point where you forget about the time, pace and distance and you just enjoy the feel of the air on your face, your feet hitting the ground and the feeling you're almost flying. Flow activities require skills you already possess, but they're skills you are constantly honing, much the way you develop your technique if you play a sport or musical instrument. Whether in exercise or life, challenges bring excitement and growth.

4.      Be present without striving. Some days I'm not striving to get anywhere in particular. In yoga I'm not trying to get deeper in a pose. On days like this my run is called, "Easy run," which is just what it sounds like. No requirements. There's nothing to achieve other than doing the three miles. It's like going for a leisurely bike ride with no particular destination and savoring the scenery. What a peaceful way to face a day. Be intentional about trying to master something, learn something new or perform at a higher level. The rest of the time, intentionally be present.

5.      Experience the joy of acceptance. Whether respecting your intelligent edge, creating balance in your practice and your life, or simply being present, consider whatever you can do at any given moment to be good enough if it's your best effort. Your best effort today may not be the same as your best effort tomorrow, and that's perfectly fine. It could not be any other way. Realize that everything you do does not have to be just shy of perfection and you will experience the joy of acceptance.

 There's a dynamic that occurs when you're working out or working on anything. You're trying to reach goals while also respecting your intelligent edge, learning to accept where you are today. The more you practice, the more you can bring these attitudes to life. So carve out time for your particular passion, be it kickboxing or Tai Chi, and develop skills and attitudes to bring you the balance and joy you need to face the world. Insight is another awesome bonus.

 Judith Tutin, PhD, ACC, is a licensed psychologist and certified life coach. Connect with her at drjudithtutin.com where you can request a free coaching call to bring more passion, fun and wellness to your life.

Inhale, Exhale — Let Go Of Negative Energy Post Breakup

You've probably had one of those knots in your back like the one I have right now. You stress out over something, lean over your computer too much, go to yoga, slip on your mat and, a day later, agony. You can hardly lift your arm over your head without excruciating pain. This must be much like the samskara, or energy knot, my yoga instructor has been talking about. 

Samskaras are negative patterns of behavior we have developed over the course of our lives. They are strategies that do not serve us well, yet we are compelled to repeat them over and over. Like Freud's repetition compulsion, when we try to undo past trauma by engaging in the same ineffective behavior, we are doomed to fail.

There are some particular post-breakup samskaras I hear over and over. Consider a few options for releasing their maddening hold:

1. Social media lurking. Checking your ex's activities on various platforms, via your friend's platforms or by allowing people to pass info onto you, each represent misguided attempts to hang on. 

Read more here...

My Summer, 2015, Newsletter and FREE Book

The year's top posts on social media, health and wellness, relationships and post-divorce adjustment are all in my newsletter. You will also find a link to my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, which is available FREE for the next 3 days.

The newsletter starts like this:

Reflecting my continuing interest in social media, this post was published on Care2 Healthy Living and Thought Catalogue:

·         6 Reasons Saying Bye To Facebook Will Make You A Happier Person. People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

Read the rest here...

Enhance Your Well-Being With 5-Minute Mindfulness Practices

How would you like to reduce stress and emotional reactivity, and increase focus and well-being? You can improve your health while you're at it. What if I told you that cultivating mindfulness can bring these rewards? There are even more benefits. Research suggests memory gains and relationship satisfaction are also associated with mindfulness practices.

There are as many ways to become more mindful as there are people, so here are my suggestions for cultivating your mindfulness. You have to try them out, and see what fits for you.

Breathe mindfully, by taking slow breaths that start in the abdomen and work their way up to the top of your head, exhaling as slowly as you breathe in. Spend 5 minutes a day breathing this way. Try breathing into your stress, be it a stressed muscle or a stressful thought.

Notice your thoughts without judgment. This means just noticing, not questioning, editing, criticizing or controlling your thinking. Observe your thoughts nonjudgmentally for 5 minutes each day.

Experience what you're feeling in your body without trying to change it. Take 5 minutes daily to do a body scan. Start at your toes and work your way up to the scalp, just noticing what's going on in your body. Simply be aware of places you're tight, loose or neutral.

Focus on what you're doing with awareness. Whether you're walking (feel the air on your face and your feet hitting the ground), eating (notice texture and taste) or sitting (attend to body temperature and heart rate), try noticing all the perceptions and sensations you experience during a 5 minute period.

Meditate daily. Choose a type of meditation that suits you. There are many options. Do it daily for 5 minutes on your own, or find a meditation center or group where you can practice and learn. Many people find that practicing with a group deepens the experience.

Practice loving kindness toward yourself and others. This is a meditation in which you wish for things like safety, health, happiness or freedom for yourself. Then you extend that wish to your loved ones, to acquaintances, and finally, to your not-so-loved ones, for 5 minutes of your day.

Practice an ancient healing art like yoga, tai chi or qi gong by spending 5 minutes a day on it. Taking a few classes will teach you the basics. Simple poses can be learned in no time on-line. You can practice alone. As with meditation, sometimes practicing with your kids, partner or a friend is a nice change.

Pick a time you can practice one or more of these daily. Work it into your schedule. As your daily mindfulness practice becomes routine, you will notice that an increase in awareness and a decrease in judgment begins to permeate other aspects of your life. Control over your thinking and behavior becomes easier. It all comes together to reduce stress and enhance well-being. I'm not saying five minutes will bring all the rewards, but I suspect that once you start doing five, it will turn into 10, then 15, and who knows how much well-being you can attain?

Try some Iyengar Yoga Music to get in the mudra.

Originally published at YourTago.

Yoga and the 23 Steps to Contentment

I talk a lot about yoga as a great form of stress management. Of course yoga is more than just that. It’s more than just the physical stretching. Not to get to woo woo, it’s a way to bring the mind, body and spirit together on a quest for inner peace and tranquility, contentment, or something like that.

Claire Dederer did a great interview about her book, Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses. She points out that yoga helped her get away from her perfectionism. All yoga instructors teach you that you’re not competing with others in the room, or even with yourself. You are told to notice your body and feelings, not to change them and certainly not to fix them. Dederer notes that yoga helped her become more content with what she had, instead of looking for the path to something different, and presumably better.

I couldn’t agree more. Yoga helps with the acceptance and mindfulness that I find can be so useful for people who want to be more content and less stressed out. And it’s a good way to work on your breathing. Yet, as someone pointed out to me just today, it’s not for everyone. But what is?

Read the first highly amusing and entertaining chapter of Dederer’s book here.