How Many Therapists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

One—it takes one therapist to change a lightbulb. But it really has to want to change.

In these trying times, when we’re all trying to control anxiety and depression about the state of the world, learning to change how you react is a process. My yoga practice helps keep me grounded in how to learn, something we adults often lose sight of.

When you embark on a yoga practice like Ashtanga, you must have an intention to master the poses, breath and flow.

Fully committing to the practice is essential for progress. It’s not that it has to be done daily. It’s more that you practice on some type of regular basis with the goal of being all in.

Experimentation is required. Does it work better this way, or that way?

It’s not about comparing yourself to others. It’s about comparing yourself to yourself. Wow! I couldn’t do this when I started.

You don’t want to phone it in. Even if it’s a crappy day and you can’t do half of what you did just two days ago. You want to be present and mindful.

These principles of learning (intention to achieve mastery, commitment to regular practice, willingness to experiment, being fully present and mindful) relate to a lot of things in life. I think they relate directly to the process of change.

If you want to change your reactions to anxiety-provoking or depressing situations, you must follow these principles as you would to learn anything. And, of course, you really have to want to change.

 

10 Ways To More Effectively Harness The Inspiring Energy Of Your Favorite Self-Help Books

You’re psyched. You scoured the latest self-help books and found the perfect one for you, one with a title along the lines of Six Simple Steps to Your Perfect Body, complete with a companion diary outlining each of the six steps.

Or perhaps the title is more like Change Your Attitude, Change Your Relationships, partnered with an accompanying workbook.

Or perhaps your passion this week led you to a book like The Idiot's Guide to Finding the Perfect Job, with a pocket manual for creating a career that will bring you joy.

You’re like the 78% of people between the ages of 18-70 who "say they want to change a fundamental aspect of themselves", and so you're reading a chapter a day in your eagerness to progress toward your goals for personal growth.

The books are right there on your bedside table so you won't forget to visit them daily.

And yet, you’re not losing weight, your attitude hasn't changed, and you still have no idea how to find your dream job.

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7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone (And Why You Must!)

When was the last time you stepped outside your comfort zone? What does that even mean?

We all have routines. You get up and do certain things, often in the same order. Whether you work from home or go to an office, have kids you have to feed and transport, or animals to walk and care for, there is probably a general plan and rhythm to your day.

I love my routines. I like eating the same things, going to the same places, talking to the same people, even running the same route.

That said, when was the last time you changed it up? Changing it up means getting outside your comfort zone.

It can be something small, like stopping at the coffee shop you pass daily and picking up a cup of joe. It might be slightly bigger, like saying hello and possibly prompting a conversation with someone you normally walk past without a smile. Or it could be something major, like quitting your job in a big firm to go it alone, starting to write your first novel or speaking up to decry an injustice.

Here’s why you need to get out of your comfort zone.

1.  Face your fear and see what you can accomplish. 

Read the full article here...

Inhale, Exhale — Let Go Of Negative Energy Post Breakup

You've probably had one of those knots in your back like the one I have right now. You stress out over something, lean over your computer too much, go to yoga, slip on your mat and, a day later, agony. You can hardly lift your arm over your head without excruciating pain. This must be much like the samskara, or energy knot, my yoga instructor has been talking about. 

Samskaras are negative patterns of behavior we have developed over the course of our lives. They are strategies that do not serve us well, yet we are compelled to repeat them over and over. Like Freud's repetition compulsion, when we try to undo past trauma by engaging in the same ineffective behavior, we are doomed to fail.

There are some particular post-breakup samskaras I hear over and over. Consider a few options for releasing their maddening hold:

1. Social media lurking. Checking your ex's activities on various platforms, via your friend's platforms or by allowing people to pass info onto you, each represent misguided attempts to hang on. 

Read more here...

Terminating Therapy: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

A client comes in to see me. When I ask how long she's been depressed, she replies, "Probably my whole life." The odd part is not the lifetime of depression. Sadly, I hear that more often than you might think. The odd part is when we meet a second or third time. I learn my client is considering dropping out of therapy, because, she says, "I don't think I'm getting any better."

 
Here's the thing...while therapy is supposed to, and usually does, instill hope for the future, if you've been depressed your whole life, can you really expect to feel significantly better in a week or two?

According to a recent book, 20% of the time clients drop out of therapy early, most often because they have unrealistic expectations. The most common is that dramatic, sustained change will happen after the first session, or two. The unusual and sometimes confusing nature of the therapy process itself can also drive clients away.

Read more here... 

7 Reasons You May Be Anxious About Getting Help…But Don't Be!

Many of us love the holidays. Perhaps an equal number loathe them. Either way, they're filled with stress. Visiting one's dysfunctional family, or not seeing said family, giving or receiving the right gifts, being with a challenging partner or feeling alone, these are just a few of the issues that come up for us this time of year.

A surprising number of my psychotherapy clients tell me they worry that they won't have enough to talk about to fill the 45 minutes. My coaching clients sometimes have concerns about how well they're using the time. Many clients come to me saying how long they've waited before finally making the call to schedule an appointment.

These are some of the specific concerns I hear and the reasons they should NOT keep you from getting some help: 

1.      My issues are boring. Starting therapy or coaching does not mean you are entering a contest for who has the most interesting, exotic or unique life. Your difficulties, be they holiday concerns, boyfriend problems, problems with your sister, boss or children, are the stuff of therapy and coaching. Yes, people all over the world are fighting for freedom, suffering injustice and the like, but I'm there to guide you through your procrastination, insomnia or panic, not to end world hunger. During your session, your issues are the most important thing in the world for both of us.

Read more here...

 

Messy Life? Here's How You Can Declutter

 

Despite recent evidence suggesting that a cluttered desk leads to a creative (not cluttered) mind, I'm determined to declutter. It's difficult to be creative when you can't find your ideas buried in piles of articles, legal pads and journals, or elsewhere on tiny scraps of paper and sticky notes. Not that you could tell by looking, but I prefer the esthetic of a neat, organized workspace. 

Here are my six simple steps for decluttering and other change.       

1.  Identify the change. Name it so you make the change you want clear--having spent a marathon weekend clearing out the detritus of a project I recently completed, my goal is to remain clutter-free. You might decide you no longer want to act like a shy person, or you want to stop eating junk food or you want to start exercising daily. Many changes are possible by following the steps.  

Read more here...