7 Reasons Everyone Keeps Telling You To Meditate

I bet you know people who meditate. They’re often hawking the benefits of meditation, right?

 Annoying as it is, they’re correct. 

There is a wealth of research showing the benefits of meditation. These benefits include greater happiness, an improved sense of well-being, better emotional control, more compassion for, and better relationships with, others, less depression and anxiety, improved focus and even less inflammation in the body.

Though you may understand the benefits of meditation, when you imagine yourself in the perfect meditation space…you’re sitting on a cushion, the temperature is just right, there’s a slight scent of lavender in the air, it’s silent except for the tweet of a bird outside…you know you are never going to find that in this lifetime.

You’re busy, it’s noisy everyplace, and there may be a smell in the air, but it’s more likely to be car exhaust or pet effluvia, than lavender. When it comes to meditation, that’s okay!

Read more here...

How To Quietly Rage Against Ageism (And Grow Older Gracefully)

The running community is awesome. You make friends training, racing, or out for a casual jog. We’re all equal. If you can keep up with the group, you’re in. Age, ethnicity, and gender are irrelevant.

Or so I thought.

Not long ago, I ran a 10K — far from my first. The race was a combined 5K and 10K. If you’ve never run one of those, as you might guess, there’s a point at which the 5K and 10K groups divide.

As I approached the split, the specter of ageism first appeared.

I could see and hear — despite my no doubt rapidly declining faculties — a guy yelling out the split: 5Ks to the left, 10Ks to the right. He repeated 5K slightly more insistently and pointed left as I approached. Hmm.

Then I got closer, and, since my cognitive abilities are still relatively intact, or at least I like to think so, I was already on the right. And another guy actually repeated, more loudly as I got to the split, "5K, 5K, 5K!" urgent gesticulation left, urgent gesticulation left, urgent gesticulation left.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I’m pretty sure he was convinced I looked too old for the 10K.

Read more here...

How To STOP Feeling Lazy, Guilty & Selfish For Taking Care Of Yourself

Women tell me all the time how they want to slow down and take time out from their busy lives to chill, but they can't.

They tell me there's way too much to do to keep things going in their world, and no one else to do it.

Besides, they tell me, taking time for myself is selfish.

They tell me doing stuff for the kids, partner, parents, grandparents, friends, dogs, cats, is more important than me-time.

When they do make time for exercise, yoga, painting or a class, they feel guilty. Isn't cooking and freezing meals for the next decade, helping kids with their homework and vacuuming dog hair for the umpteenth time this week more important than self-improvement?

When they sit and read, take a walk or meditate for 30 minutes they wonder if they're being lazy. What about the cabinets to be cleaned, the extra work they could be doing at their job or preparing the gourmet meal their partner would be thrilled with?

The oxygen-on-the-plane metaphor is something I often invoke. Everyone understands that if you can't breathe you can't help your 4-year-old breathe. Think of taking a little time for solitude as something to help you breathe.

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3 Ways To Build A Super Strong Bromance (Because Guys Need Friends, Too!)

There are have been a lot of famous bromances throughout history. Explorers Lewis and Clark. Presidents Adams and Jefferson. Authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. President Obama and VP Biden. And, of course, a bromance for the ages: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

But don't laugh at or make light of the bromance! Because research shows that relationships — friendships included —  are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Yes, your (or your man's) bromance might just help him live longer!

That's because loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress.

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common.

But we may not teach boys and men how to be good friends. 

Read more here…

Click here to see my Spring, 2016 Newsletter, with my recent posts and others I've enjoyed on health and wellness, relationships, dating and post-divorce adjustment. And there's news about my new office. Read it here…

For the next 5 days my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, is available FREE.

Stress Turns Out To Be Good For You! 3 Strategies You Need To Follow

You just need to figure out how to put your stress to work for you. I recently wrote about it in a post that starts like this:

It's common knowledge that, repeated over time, stress leads to problems with health, performance and wellbeing, including illness, missed days from work, depression, aggression and relationship problems.

If you're like most people, your mindset is geared toward getting rid of the stress or avoiding the problem. Who can blame us? Nobody likes that that sick-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach fight or flight feeling. Our response is usually denial (I'm fine!), anger (Why me!) or overwhelm (I can't handle this!).

But, oddly, recent research has shown that stress actually heightens awareness, speeds up thinking, improves performance and leads many to say, "I'm great in a crisis." It's why my clients suffering with anxiety tell me their worry helps them anticipate problems and envision potential solutions. It's how I know that adults who have faced hardships early in life can have tremendous reserves of strength to face current difficulties and often a greater appreciation for the gifts life has given them.

Read more here...

My Summer, 2015, Newsletter and FREE Book

The year's top posts on social media, health and wellness, relationships and post-divorce adjustment are all in my newsletter. You will also find a link to my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, which is available FREE for the next 3 days.

The newsletter starts like this:

Reflecting my continuing interest in social media, this post was published on Care2 Healthy Living and Thought Catalogue:

·         6 Reasons Saying Bye To Facebook Will Make You A Happier Person. People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

Read the rest here...

7 Steps To Reduce Insomnia

I was fascinated by the NY Times' two recent articles on sleep. One is about how to get more of it so you'll be more beautiful, featuring spas, sleep products and a barely perceptible nod to useful skills like meditation and relaxation. The companion piece is about makeup to hide the ravages of sleeplessness. Really?

Sleep deprivation causes irritability, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, weight gain, medical problems, cognitive deficits, impaired work performance, car crashes and a host of other ills beyond the toll it takes on physical beauty. Makeup is not going to solve these problems.

Clouding the issue by suggesting a cosmetic fix, spa products or pills, ignores the fact that sleep problems are often easily remedied without medication or costly solutions.

Since it's summer, why not send yourself to sleep camp? In sleep camp you have daily activities, just like volleyball and swimming in summer camp. If you despised summer camp you can think of it more like soccer or tennis camp where you're trying to improve a skill set and you know it's going to take dedication, practice, tweaking and repetition.

Here's how sleep camp works: 

1. Start a sleep journal. 

Read more here...

Top Articles From 2013

My January, 2014 newsletter with this year's articles about social media pitfalls, health & wellness strategies, relationship & post-divorce issues.

Covering all bases: Young & Beautiful, Lana Del Ray

Positive Socializing Is Good For Your Health

An apple a day used to be enough to keep the doctor away. Or so we thought. We now know that a healthy diet and exercise are critical. We know we have to keep our weight down, and can't smoke or abuse alcohol in our quest for good health and longevity. Now we can also add spiritual activities like meditation to the wellness list. Meditation leads to improved emotional regulation, which leads to more positive social interactions, which leads to better health. Here's how it works.

Barbara Frederickson and her colleagues found a connection between a physiological measure of your vagus nerve activity and more positive emotions and social interactions. People with higher vagal tone, which has to do with heart regulation and the release of oxytocin, are happier and have more rewarding social interactions. After all, who wants to hang out with Debbie Downer? We're attracted to people who exude positivity and engage with us in upbeat ways.

Read more here...

What You Need For Successful Weight Loss

Would it come as a surprise if I told you recent survey shows that fancy diets aren't any more likely to result in weight loss than a phone app or sensible eating plan? Even the CEO of Weight Watchers cites routine as his primary weight loss strategy. While he makes healthy choices, my guess is that the routine really sets him up for success.

Your overriding philosophy must be to eat less and exercise more. This is what you need for a positive weight loss experience.

Eating:

·         Develop a plan for mindful, healthy eating that includes, ideally, 3 meals and 2 snacks. Be ruthless in cutting out unhealthy foods and rigid in setting up healthy meals.

·         Shop weekly or as often as needed so that you have the food on hand for these meals and snacks. Take them with you to work if you can.

·         Plan for unusual circumstances like eating out, traveling or vacationing. Decide in advance what you'll eat in restaurants, and what you will not eat. It may seem a bit eccentric, but you can take snacks with you when you're traveling to maximize good choices. Consider vacations a trip into health, not an excuse for unhealthy behavior.

Exercising:

Develop a plan for regular exercise that includes, ideally, 4 days a week at 30...Read More Here

Can Wellness be Fun?

Ask yourself: Can wellness be Fun, with a capital F?

When people hear I’ve run a half-marathon (and I try to tell as many people as possible), they groan sympathetically.  Then they usually ask what my time was.  They don’t ask me if it was Fun.

I do yoga stretches before I run.  When people comment on it, they tell me how agonizing it looks, or how painful it would be if they tried it.  They don’t ask me if I Enjoy it.

When people talk with me about losing weight, they tell me I look like I’ve never had a weight problem.  They tell me how hard it is for them to lose weight.  They don’t ask me if it feels Great to be at a healthy weight.

My point:  wellness can be Fun, with a capital F.  How, you ask?  Just a few thoughts.

I really enjoyed training for my half.  I liked pushing myself and feeling the gains.  I liked meeting people who were shooting for the same goals.  I felt Empowered, and that’s with a capital E.

I love yoga.  I like learning new poses and practices.  I like meeting new people who are also learning and seeking.  Yoga is Empowering.

I work at maintaining my weight.  I like the satisfaction I feel when I know I’ve worked hard at exercising and not overeating.  I like hanging out with people who take diet and exercise seriously.  Maintaining a healthy weight is Empowering.

The point is not to run, do yoga or eat a particular way.  You can walk, Zumba, meditate, rock climb, bike, swim, tennis, read, macrobioticize, veganize, guitar it, sing it, belly dance or pick your own Pleasure, with a capital P.  The point is to figure out how to Enjoy your wellness plan, and have your own unique kind of Fun.  Feel Empowered.

 I Got a Feeling, Black Eyed Peas