Sunday, June 5, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
One of my pet peeves is peopling telling me they're just "unlucky," as an explanation for why they don't have a great job, don't live in an exciting city or aren't in a fulfilling relationship. Really?
Even in poker, while there's luck involved, there's also skill and the work of honing that skill. When it comes to being discovered as an actor, or getting that coveted job at an amazing law firm, there's always the luck of being in the right place at the right time, but you're not getting the job without skill and hard work as well.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Click here to see my Spring, 2016 Newsletter, with my recent posts and others I've enjoyed on health and wellness, relationships, dating and post-divorce adjustment. And there's news about my new office. Read it here…
Monday, March 28, 2016
One of my top recommendations for clients and friends who are dating is to be yourself. Although you may not list authenticity as a top quality for a partner or friend, recent research suggests it is one of the qualities that we seek in others. Authentic people are generally really fun to be around and easy to read. They tend to be less stressed and more satisfied. They do not trigger red flags like the inauthentic.
Authenticity is basically the opposite of being a liar, a fake or a fraud. It's being yourself, being honest, being who you truly are. According to psychologist Robert Biswas-Diener, you can increase your authenticity quotient.
So let's look at how you know if you are being authentic and how to work on being more authentic, while avoiding the trap of overplaying your authenticity.
1. Talk the talk. Say what you really think. Honor your values, beliefs and ideals above people pleasing and despite possibly making a few waves. If you believe it's important to reduce your carbon footprint, say so. Read more here...
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners likely to make us happy.
My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things they seek in their next mate, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, etc. You may want to reconsider that list.
While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment. And it follows that the not-so-handsome mate who is very understanding will bring us more happiness.
The traits that reflect our deepest, intrinsic desires are most important in guaranteeing satisfaction with our partner.
What we really need are:
1. Warmth. This person desires intimacy with you. Read more here...
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Sunday, December 13, 2015
It's common knowledge that, repeated over time, stress leads to problems with health, performance and wellbeing, including illness, missed days from work, depression, aggression and relationship problems.
If you're like most people, your mindset is geared toward getting rid of the stress or avoiding the problem. Who can blame us? Nobody likes that that sick-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach fight or flight feeling. Our response is usually denial (I'm fine!), anger (Why me!) or overwhelm (I can't handle this!).
But, oddly, recent research has shown that stress actually heightens awareness, speeds up thinking, improves performance and leads many to say, "I'm great in a crisis." It's why my clients suffering with anxiety tell me their worry helps them anticipate problems and envision potential solutions. It's how I know that adults who have faced hardships early in life can have tremendous reserves of strength to face current difficulties and often a greater appreciation for the gifts life has given them.