Men Take Heed…In Speed Dating Women Have the Power

You have three to eight minutes to snare a date, or two, or more; what's a girl to do? For starters, you can relax. Women actually have more power in the speed dating area. Why? Well for one thing, research shows they're more selective about their dates than men. I know, thank you Professor Obvious. Research still has some good tips to offer for the speed dating process.

In a Stanford study, researchers found that people do develop real connections with people when speed dating and those connections are dependent on several factors. It's important for men to listen, focus on the woman's concerns in conversation and show enthusiasm. Men should be careful about asking questions that connect to what the woman is saying, avoiding random questions just to fill the space. Guys, that means you need to be engaged and understanding. That's how you get picked.

Professor Obvious speaks again on speed dating findings for women...

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North Carolina Laws Making It Harder To Get Divorced

I’ve been cited in this article, North Carolina Lawmakers Consider Making it Harder to Get Divorce.

It’s about North Carolina’s legislature attempting to increase the wait time for divorce from one to two years.

I said, “My clinical experience would fall strongly against longer waiting periods. I have many examples in my practice and among my friends, relatives and acquaintances, of people who have been hurt emotionally and financially by these waiting periods. For example…Read more here…

I'm Quoted On Mama's Boys

I'm quoted in the article, "Why Mama's Boys Are Bad News," by Rachel Kleinman.

"If you want a baby to take care of, then have a baby, don't marry one." —Judith Tutin

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The Pros And Cons Of Your Time On Facebook

For every Facebook article extolling its virtues, there’s another that warns of its dire social consequences. Do we feel validated by our social media friends, or devastated by them? Does Facebook increase our loneliness, or help us feel connected? The key to determining whether you’re on-line too much or need more face-time is to consider how you use social media, and how you experience the consequences.

Researchers studying Facebook use have identified a number of things you need to look out for as you evaluate your virtual experience.

What’s your reaction to the social comparisons? We compare ourselves to others all the time on every possible dimension. Physical appearance, popularity, success and wealth are some that come to mind when you think about the information you see on Facebook. Do I have as many friends? Is my job as good? Read more here...

What You Need For Successful Weight Loss

Would it come as a surprise if I told you recent survey shows that fancy diets aren't any more likely to result in weight loss than a phone app or sensible eating plan? Even the CEO of Weight Watchers cites routine as his primary weight loss strategy. While he makes healthy choices, my guess is that the routine really sets him up for success.

Your overriding philosophy must be to eat less and exercise more. This is what you need for a positive weight loss experience.

Eating:

·         Develop a plan for mindful, healthy eating that includes, ideally, 3 meals and 2 snacks. Be ruthless in cutting out unhealthy foods and rigid in setting up healthy meals.

·         Shop weekly or as often as needed so that you have the food on hand for these meals and snacks. Take them with you to work if you can.

·         Plan for unusual circumstances like eating out, traveling or vacationing. Decide in advance what you'll eat in restaurants, and what you will not eat. It may seem a bit eccentric, but you can take snacks with you when you're traveling to maximize good choices. Consider vacations a trip into health, not an excuse for unhealthy behavior.

Exercising:

Develop a plan for regular exercise that includes, ideally, 4 days a week at 30...Read More Here

Why People Create Fake Online Relationships

I am quoted in this article about why people create imaginary relationships online at YourTango.

Questions You Must Ask About Your Online Relationships

If you had no doubts before, surely after the Manti Te'o fiasco you are taking a hard look at your online relationships. Let me say that I'm no online prude. I have clients I work with who I've never met offline. I've had virtual assistants I've never even spoken with on the phone. I've done online dating and talked to high school boyfriends online. I've taken virtual classes and have colleagues I've "met" in those classes who I've never met in person. All of that is fine. I do try to recognize these relationships for what they are, and accept their limitations. I'm suggesting you try to do the same.

Let's do a little Q & A.

·         Q. Should I be concerned that he doesn't want to meet me offline?

 A. Yes! You should absolutely be concerned if he only wants to talk online. Not wanting a real face-to-face says he definitely has something to hide. It could be the same thing that explains why he's never available in the evening or on the weekend. Someone who doesn't want to meet you is not a boyfriend, friend or any other type of intimate. They're just someone you talk to online.

·         Q. Why am I always the one initiating contact?

 A. Great question. Why are you always the one waiting for the magic "ping" signaling contact from this person? You're waiting because you've stopped living your life and you're living for a person you hardly know. I know, when you contact him he's quick to respond and flirt. It's still a sign that he might not be that into you. In fact, it's a sign that he's likely not that into you. Set a timeframe during which the relationship has to progress. If it doesn't, it's time to move on.

·         Q. Am I spending too much time with people online?

 A. Maybe. Your high school boyfriend who you haven't seen in 15 years is not your boyfriend. Why are you spending hours chatting him up online? It didn't work out the first time, right? You might consider what you are not doing that you would be doing if you spent less time online.  Like having dinner with your friends or working out at the gym where you might meet a real person. Consider adopting a rule of spending at least as much time with real-life friends as on-line friends. You can also try a little technology cleanse.

·         Q. How long do I go without a face-to-face?

 A. I'm talking in person, not Face Timing or Skyping. What are you getting out of the online contact and what are you missing out on? One recent study concluded that only real-life friends lead us to feel happier. Another study found that you can have a lot of online friends, but you won't feel supported by them the same way you do by your real-life friends. Online chats, texts and even phone calls are for getting to know someone. Once that's done, it's time to move on and meet up, or end it.

·        Q. Why can't I find him on Goggle?

 A. Not everyone has a huge internet presence, but you can tell where they ought to show up. Someone who graduates from Stanford should appear on an alumni list and a professional should be listed on a licensing website. The absence of this type of confirmation ought to raise your suspicions. You can always ask the person about it. Any reasonable person meeting online would understand your desire for a little concrete validation that they're who they say they are. After all, people lie.

 Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. Then move away from any imaginary boyfriends you uncover and keep it real.

 

This article was originally published at YourTango.