After the infidelity is discovered, even the
"injured" party has work to do. What? I just got beaten to a bloody pulp
emotionally, and I’m the one who has work to do? Yes, it’s hard to think
about making changes while you’re off-balance from pain and shock. Whether
married, never-married, separated or divorced, you’ve been traumatized and your
whole sense of self is undermined. This is one of those proverbial growth
opportunities. It’s a great time to work out a recovery plan. You’ll heal, regain
your confidence and you may be even better than before.
People tend to think you either have these skills or you don’t.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. With a little work, everyone can improve
and develop them.
Self-care. Talking
with friends, seeing funny movies, taking extra yoga classes, running more, or
getting a massage are all self-care
strategies. They help create the inner
space you need to feel invigorated and renewed. Beware of anything
or anyone that’s an energy vampire. Emphasize things that re-create your sense
of balance. Rely on your support system. Engage in healthy behaviors like eating right,
sleeping enough and exercise. Use the
time to reflect, accept, heal and find your resilience.
Resilience. Find a
balance between living in the past, present and future. Spend most of your time
in the present. Trying to understand the past is useful, but don’t take up permanent
residence there. Instead, focus on savoring the good
things happening right now. Savor the times when you’re feeling almost like
your old self. This will give you the energy you need to bounce
back.
Then you can focus on your future goals with more optimism.
Optimism. Listen
to the dialogue in your head and make sure it accurately reflects reality, not
the distorted thinking our inner
critic spins after a loss. When pessimistic thoughts come up (I am unlovable), dispute them (Plenty of people love me). Embrace
positive thinking (I will find another,
healthier relationship). Identify the learning (OMG, I did ignore the warning signs). But don’t beat yourself up
over mistakes. Just make a correction (I will
definitely pay more attention to those red flags in my next relationship). Minimize
negative thinking and emphasize positive thinking.
Self-care, resilience and optimism are recovery skills you can
always build on. They’re a great foundation for moving into the future because
they facilitate healing, create a sense of balance, and increase energy and confidence.
Now you can figure out what new goals you need to be working toward. Anything
is possible with this solid set of skills. Once you fine-tune your recovery
skills, you’re even better than you were before.
Happy listening with I'm Better Than I Used To Be, Tim McGraw
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