Truth or Fiction? Write Your Stories

In an interview, author of That Old Cape Magic,“ Richard Russo says: “The deepest failures any fiction writer is likely to have are failures of not quite comprehending the truth of the story that he or she is telling. And I think that's why Jack Griffin can't write this story ... there's something about himself that he hasn't quite recognized."

Russo goes on to talk about how missing the truth of one’s life happens in real life as well as in fiction. Memories of the past are not necessary shared precisely by the participants, much as eyewitness reports frequently differ. So where’s the truth?

What does this have to do with anything? It speaks to the need for all of us to address our own truths and try to gain perspective about ourselves, our choices, our behaviors.

There’s a great exercise in Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life (Steven Hayes). It calls for you to write the story of your suffering, including the main problems and all the reasons (historical, situational and personal) for the presence of these problems in your life. Suffering being a bit strong for some of us, you could just write the story of your present difficulties. Then you underline only the facts of your story…not interpretations or analyses. Finally, you take the facts and write a completely different story, with a different ending. As you can imagine, the meaning of the facts changes dramatically in the two stories. Hayes goes on to suggest that you can write yet another story using the same facts to further demonstrate how the stories we tell change the meaning of the facts.

In other words, our interpretations of the facts of our lives change our beliefs about the truths of our lives. It suggests that we can change those truths by re-writing or re-interpreting our story.

For example, it’s possible that you’ve been less accomplished, less intelligent and less capable than all your siblings. It’s equally possible that you’ve taken the road less traveled, made unpopular choices and picked experiences you desired over those preferred by others. The question becomes how can you be the person you wish to be instead of the incompetent you’ve believed yourself to be? (It’s just one possible example.)

My suggestion: Write and re-write your story. See how it comes out each time. Stick with the one that feels true and good at the same time.

Separation Anxiety

I'm having separation anxiety. I don't want to leave my computer. I'm thrilled to be going on vacation. It's my first 2-week vacation in forever. But I'm not thrilled to be leaving my computer. I've left it for a weekend many times. It's a little difficult, but I manage. But 13 days. It's not so much the email. It's the access to the universe. It's the writing...I rarely write by hand anymore. Let's face it, it's bloody everything.

Sometimes when I'm working on something I don't get out of my desk chair for hours for anything. Not for a phonebook, a dictionary, the weather channel. Why get up? It's all right at my fingertips, which no longer have to do the walking. Now I just click. Soon, I'm certain, there will be virtual coffee.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about it. I love the convenience and the speed. I've just become attached. Too attached. What we might call an unhealthy attachment.

So what do to? I'm going to consider it a growth experience. It will be my project for the trip. Let go of the technology. Be one with the non-technological universe. Just breathe through the anxiety. Use a freakin' pen to write. Talk real talk to real people instead of cybertalk to cyberpeople.

At a meeting today someone used the phrase "cybercabinet." It's a place on their accountant's website where they can store a backup of their data. What next, I wonder?

I guess I'm just white & nerdy. I'll be back in a couple of weeks and I will be relaxed. But I'm taking my iPod.

Blocked or not?

Whenever I send out a newsletter, my blog gets blocked. It's like I've completed a thought and I'm done. I've talked about giving myself (or yourself) a break in this context before. Yet I've been starting so many blogs in my mind: one on lying (is it okay to tell little white lies?), another on women's mag tips (do people really sew buttons on the ends of draw strings to keep them from getting lost in the garment; does anyone care?), yet another on whether multi-tasking and mindfulness are mutually exclusive (can you run, listen to music and be mindful?).

So what's the point of this meandering monologue? I'm trying to change my pattern and push ahead even though there's a cacophony of ideas in my head instead of one clear thought. As I tell blocked writers: just write something... anything. You can always go back later and perfect it.

Not that this blog is perfect. Okay, no need to laugh. But it's become important to my newsletter production, my thinking about positive psychology and allied topics and my ultimate writing goals. What, you ask...is my goal not to produce a better newsletter? I'm still thinking about that self-help book. Maybe my newsletters will feed into that goal.

While I collect ideas for blogging and writing, I'm also collecting ideas for my novel. Yes, of course, another frustrated novelist.

But seriously, this is the first time I've publicly admitted that I'm planning a novel. Public commitment is an important step in relapse prevention. It's also an important step in getting things done.

Like the novel which unfolds for the writer, much as it does for the reader, this blog turns out to be about moving ahead with my commitment to write regularly. Yup, even if I don't necessarily have anything particularly profound to say. But the commitment idea is profound.

Prochaska and DiClementi, in an article in 1982, identified stages of change: precontemplation (do I want to make the change), contemplation (I'm thinking about it seriously), determination (I'm gonna do it baby), action (requires no explanation) and maintenance (maintaining the change). After that comes relapse (also requires no explanation, but just in case, not maintaining the change). Like most stage models, you can bounce back and forth, sometimes skipping a step and sometimes regressing two. Commitment is the place between determination and action. Maybe it's between action and maintenance. Maybe it is maintenance. Clearly, commitment is all over the place.

I don't always write as regularly as I'd like. But I'm committed to making it happen. Whatever your goal, you can be too. Meandering around in my head is All You Need is Love..."There's nothing you can do that can't be done."