7 Ways To Banish Breakup Blues

Summer is upon us and for many, I fear, there is longing for summers past. I know what it can be like to face weeks without a fun vacation in sight or the hope of a romantic sunset on the horizon. Those summers from the years of so-called marital bliss or happy coupledom seem so sweet by comparison. Misty watercolor memories of the way we were, or thought we were, rear their ugly heads.

 Ten years post-divorce, happily, it's been a long time since I felt the summer blues. Still, I have to admit there is a bit of a sting to the fact that I will not be renting that beach house this summer. You know, the one my ex is going to rent. It took a minute, but I'm over it.

Perhaps you can't afford the time or money for your dream-vacation this summer. Ten years post-divorce I'm pleased to report that my experience, not to mention the vast happiness literature, confirms that glitzy vacations (and beach houses) are a bit like that fantastic car or necklace you simply have to have…surefire ways not to create happiness.

Read more here... 

Check out my new book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide..Tools for Your Journey!

 

Had a Great Time, Wish You Were There

Return from vacation seems like it warrants a blog entry. I'm not charmed when people dominate a conversation talking about the trip they recently took. It's like the old days when Uncle John would force everyone of all ages to watch his slides of the family trip to Miami Beach. But surely there are some good takeaways from a two-week vacation (aside from souvenirs and memories). My list, in no particular order:

• Bring entertainment for the moments you just want to veg or are stuck on a plane or the like...did I see a lot of Sudoku books.
• Be busy enough to be tired. After all, you came all that way, right? See it all. Do it all. You can sleep when you get home.
• Every time you want to complain, go over your list of positive self-statements: don't sweat the small stuff; you can't control everything; nothing's perfect.
• Try new stuff. Eat food you don't usually eat. Talk to people you wouldn't normally bother with.
• Don't allow yourself to be consumed with what you've left behind. Forget the email. Don't call home daily.
• Don't worry about buying things. This includes not worrying about getting the "right" gifts for everyone. And don't perseverate about souvenirs. After all, you're not going to forget you went to Venice, right?

Have as much fun as you can. Because, when you get home, it's back to the usual, whatever that may be and however much you may enjoy it. Ciao.

Separation Anxiety

I'm having separation anxiety. I don't want to leave my computer. I'm thrilled to be going on vacation. It's my first 2-week vacation in forever. But I'm not thrilled to be leaving my computer. I've left it for a weekend many times. It's a little difficult, but I manage. But 13 days. It's not so much the email. It's the access to the universe. It's the writing...I rarely write by hand anymore. Let's face it, it's bloody everything.

Sometimes when I'm working on something I don't get out of my desk chair for hours for anything. Not for a phonebook, a dictionary, the weather channel. Why get up? It's all right at my fingertips, which no longer have to do the walking. Now I just click. Soon, I'm certain, there will be virtual coffee.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about it. I love the convenience and the speed. I've just become attached. Too attached. What we might call an unhealthy attachment.

So what do to? I'm going to consider it a growth experience. It will be my project for the trip. Let go of the technology. Be one with the non-technological universe. Just breathe through the anxiety. Use a freakin' pen to write. Talk real talk to real people instead of cybertalk to cyberpeople.

At a meeting today someone used the phrase "cybercabinet." It's a place on their accountant's website where they can store a backup of their data. What next, I wonder?

I guess I'm just white & nerdy. I'll be back in a couple of weeks and I will be relaxed. But I'm taking my iPod.