Have a Technology Cleanse. Play a Boardgame

I just read an article about a tech detox, which I thought was a great idea. Have you ever thought, or should I say how often have you thought, that you and/or your loved ones are spending too much time with their electronic buddies? I had a glimmer of this after I’d had some minor surgery. As the sedation wore off, I was finally comfortably ensconced in my own bed and my friend asked if I needed anything. My reply…my phone. I justified this by pointing out that no longer having a home phone, my cell is my only connection with potential disasters that may have occurred during my sedation. You didn’t know I was that neurotic?

But seriously, what about a tech vacation, or cleanse, as I prefer to think of it? No tv, computer, cell phone, iWhatever, eBook, eEverything. What would it be like? One of my pet peeves is seeing people walking on beautiful paths, talking on cell phones with one arm up and one shoulder up, making their posture and gait totally unnatural. If that’s not bad enough, they’re often agitated and I find myself wondering about the benefit of the walk. Can’t the call be put off for 30 minutes? Really?

Admittedly, I used to use my iPod when running until I discovered I could run and meditate. Alas, still multitasking. But after reading the article I suggested that my son and I play scrabble, the board game. I have a set that probably dates back much further than I care to remember. No pictures, no fancy colors, no cutsie theme, just the pink, blue and grey squares, remember? We had to keep score with a paper and pencil!!! Great fun.

A little techno music for fun: Manian, Ravers Fantasy

Whatever Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

Does it help to know that the adversity you’re experiencing today is going to make you tougher and better able to handle the adversity you’ll experience at some unknown point in the future? I think it might. It’s like working out and developing muscles you never knew you could have.

Consider the possibilities. You’ve just lost your job, learned you have a potentially serious medical condition, broke up with your boyfriend…or all three at once. Just kidding on that last. Something bad happens and you have to deal with it. And you do. You either use a tried and true coping strategy, or you develop a new one to cope.

A recent study showed that having some amount of adversity, not too much but not too little either, does help us cope in future situations and makes us psychologically healthier. It’s like developing physical toughness by lifting weights, but this is mental toughness, or resilience.

Adopting the mindset that the trial of today is going to lead to more strength in the future is a positive attitude that can only serve you well. We learn how to cope with problems by doing so. We learn that we can cope with problems by seeing ourselves do it.

Next time you have one of those situations, ask yourself, how has this helped me grow and be stronger? What coping muscles have I strengthened or developed? And know that whatever does not kill you will, in fact, make you stronger.

Music to be strong by: County Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow

Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions: Celebrate Success

Coaching is big on celebrating achievements. Got the big job? Celebrate. Finished the awesome project? Celebrate. Book published? Celebrate. I’ve clinked virtual glasses filled with virtual champagne in phone calls with clients to celebrate the results of all our hard work.

How about celebrating the small achievements, i.e., those baby steps toward fulfilling your new year’s resolutions. It can be just as big to get to the gym for the first time in 5 years, or to tell the waitress, no bread thank you, for the first time in your life, as it is to get the big project finished.

I think the magic of celebration is in the combination of positive reinforcement (rewarding our good behavior), savoring (a combination noticing and appreciating something we enjoy ) and the element of self-congratulation. We are celebrating our accomplishment internally with a “well done” and an internal high five to really highlight our success. We can do it with a coach or a friend, but we must also learn to do it alone in order to really integrate our excellent outcome with a strong feeling of accomplishment.

I think celebration is an important way to keep those new year’s resolutions going. You have to find a personal way of celebrating that pizza passed up, that run taken in the cold of the morning or that extra time you’ve been spending with your child noticing their efforts or good behavior.

Baby, celebrate good times, come on…Celebration, Kool & The Gang

After you make those New Year's resolutions

If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run. John Bingham, Runner & author


I love this quote. It speaks to how I feel about running and about so many other things. Which diet plan to choose? Which running shoes should I wear? Which health club do I join? Should I take a dance class or a yoga class? Is it better to tell my kid I love him or spend more time doing things with him? We’re often so caught up in doing the right thing, making the best choice or having the right clothes and equipment that we’re paralyzed and do nothing.

So when you make your New Year’s resolutions keep this secret in mind; it doesn’t matter. That’s right. All you have to do is make a change. No rules.  It doesn't have to be the best.  Just do something (or stop doing something).  Stop drinking soda. Stop having dessert. Cut out whites (that’s foods, not t-shirts). Walk 15 minutes a day. Take a yoga class. Run a mile 3 times a week. Tell your kid you love them once a day. Call your mom once a week. Start writing in your journal.

Whatever your resolution, work on making small changes, or one small change. If you forget to do it one day, just do it the next. Keep building on the small changes you’ve made and, before you know it, you’re a runner, yogi, writer or better parent.

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs. Ansel Adams

Reduce Holiday Stress. Re-gift

I am surrounded by people stressing about the holidays. At the office, at the mall (where I went mistakenly thinking picking up a few items was going to be a slam dunk), in restaurants, everywhere. Never one to stand on ceremony, I’m going full disclosure; I have taken some of these suggestions from a recently penned post-divorce blog. It’s kind of like re-gifting, which is a perfectly acceptable stress reducer as long as it’s done unobtrusively. Manage holiday stress with a few changes.

*Acceptance is golden. Last year things didn’t go perfectly well, and they won’t this year. Accept that truth. Aunt Sally didn’t like her sweater (next time get her a gift card) and your dad complained about the turkey. It’s okay to do the best you can. It’s good enough because it has to be. If you and your brother didn’t get along well before, you’re not going to get along better now just because another year has passed. If the kids argue normally, they’re going to argue even though it’s the holidays.

*Money can’t buy you love. In the present economy, most of us just don’t have as much as before. The kids can do with less. Either they’re old enough to understand or too young to care about exactly how much money you spent. Your friends will understand if you don’t have as much to give as you did before.

*Be helpful. Volunteering to serve a holiday dinner to people in need is a fulfilling experience and one that can make even the most stressful holiday warmer and more upbeat. If you can’t serve, considering giving food or money.

*Be thankful. It’s the end of a year and the beginning of another, so be thankful for what you do have. What a great time to start a gratitude journal or a gratitude book for the whole family. And speaking of gifts, gratitude letters are great gifts. So are personalized cards expressing thanks to friends and family for specific things. And so are photo books and other handmade or made-to-order personalized gifts that are not too expensive.

*Be social. Although we don’t always get along with our loved ones, even for the most diehard introverts, holidays are tough alone. If need be, invite yourself someplace. Friends and colleagues are usually more than happy to make room for one or two more.

Happy holidays! Thanks for reading my blog, and feel free to re-gift me anytime.

Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.
The Beatles. Can’t Buy Me Love.

Exercise for Daily Life

We all know that limiting exercise to the weekend is not enough to keep fit and is hard on the body. Although we can’t all bike or walk to work, I like the idea of integrating exercise into daily life in as many ways as possible. It capitalizes on the momentum you develop around work. It builds on the schedule you already have for work. It can help you tap into your inner grit.

How about these options for you?

*Go to the gym right before or after work
*Walk, run bike or go to the gym at lunch
*Use the stairs instead of the elevator
*Walk or bike to your next appointment
*Schedule gym, yoga or biking time in your work-week
*Keep a yoga mat, stationary bike or exercise clothes/shoes at the office in case you get a break
*Use a jogging stroller, kiddy bike seat or baby back-pack to incorporate exercise into the work of childcare
*Use the exercise room at hotels during business trips
*Explore new cities on foot, walking or running when traveling
*Take a dance, exercise or yoga class during lunch
*Do short family/couple/friend hikes, walks, rides and runs during the week

Think about what might work for you. Each option will not work for everyone, and you may come up with some better ideas (please leave a comment) that work for you.

Tunes for daily exercise:
Boom Boom Pow, Black Eyed Peas
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody dance now), C+C Music Factory
Just Dance, Lady Gaga
Life is a Highway, Tom Cochrane

Self-esteem or Self-indulgence?

In a discount shoe store I browsed recently, my eye was caught by the clogs called “Self-esteem.” And BTW, when did we start naming shoes? Do we now have to have the right shoes for good self-esteem? Or will wearing the shoes give us good self-esteem?

I’d like to call attention to the anti-self-esteem movement. Okay, I just made that up. There’s no such movement. But there are those who argue that self-esteem is not all it’s cracked up to be. Some psychologists have decried the emphasis on self-esteem because it leads to grandiose expectations that will be forever unmet, and others because it emphasizes self-absorption in the never-ending battle to be the best at everything.

Instead of aspiring to have higher self-esteem, perhaps we could aspire to have more gratitude or greater self-compassion. Most of you are familiar with gratitude, but self-compassion or self-kindness is newer to many. Self-compassion includes:

* Being tolerant and non-judgmental of the self, particularly in the face of failures.

* Recognizing that we all have pain as part of the human experience and we need not be isolated in our pain.

* Not needing to exaggerate our failings or indulging in self-pity when in pain, but instead trying to maintain emotional balance.

Not surprisingly, people who practice self-compassion tend to be, you guessed it, more compassionate toward others. They’re also happier and better able to attain goals, and less anxious, depressed and angry.

So maybe instead of buying the self-esteem shoes, we’d do better to focus on mindfulness, compassion and kindness.

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Instant Karma, John Lennon.