Would You Rather Take The Pills Or Learn The Skills?

In a society that embraces the use of pills for everything from oppositional childhood behavior to weight loss, it should come as no surprise that a recent study reveals that depression is overdiagnosed and overtreated with medication. The study, conducted at Johns Hopkins, finds that many people are taking antidepressant medication even though they do not meet the criteria for Major Depressive Disorder, the condition for which medication is most often appropriate. 

To put this in context, let's say your child refuses to go to bed or hits her brother. I'm guessing your first line of attack is not to go to your doctor and ask for medication. Let's say you look in the mirror one day and recognize that you really need to lose 40 pounds or so. Is medication your first thought? 

Consider the losses we all experience living in this world: getting fired from a job, the death of a loved one, or divorce, just to name a few. Read more here...

To Birkenstock or Not To Birkenstock, That Is The Question

A long-time wearer of Birkenstocks (I have bad feet, I swear), and staunch individualist when it comes to fashion sensibility (some might say insensibility), I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I have apparently been fashion forward. Birkenstocks are reportedly the most popular summer footwear. 

Not everyone finds Birkenstocks comfortable, which is completely understandable. If that's the case for you, substitute Crocs, Tevas or any other comfortable but iffy fashion choice, for the purposes of this conversation. I'm outlining my top considerations for your footwear this summer.

*  How about ending the heartache and natural shocks your flesh is heir to when wearing five-inch heels? Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. Let's face it, unless you're making bank on your appearance, are the resultant bunions, corns and other maladies, all the names of which I can't even remember, worth it? Nothing interferes with work or fun more than being physically uncomfortable.

* I hate to admit that when I was dating I did not wear my Birkenstocks ...  Read more here...

5 Strategies To Avoid Dating Burnout

"I'm just not going to date for awhile," is a frequent refrain I hear from my clients. There's often a lack of enthusiasm and resolve in the delivery, signaling ambivalence. You're probably familiar with the idea of burnout with respect to repetitive, boring jobs, or highly stressful work situations. Fatigue and a lack of interest in your work are among the signs. Actually, you can burnout on almost anything, including dating.

These are the telltale signs of dating burnout and strategies to avoid it.

1. Lackluster interest in new dates. You must begin to ask yourself why you're pursuing someone at all if you can barely muster the enthusiasm to get ready. Or perhaps you've lowered the bar too much and your dates really aren't interesting.  It's time to focus on something else.

 Rekindle interest in something you've put on the back burner, so to speak. When dating takes over all of your spare time, you push away other interests that help keep you calm, sane and less stressed. De-stress by pursuing other interests. You'll probably find your lackluster interest is replaced with new energy from success with other challenges.

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Positive Socializing Is Good For Your Health

An apple a day used to be enough to keep the doctor away. Or so we thought. We now know that a healthy diet and exercise are critical. We know we have to keep our weight down, and can't smoke or abuse alcohol in our quest for good health and longevity. Now we can also add spiritual activities like meditation to the wellness list. Meditation leads to improved emotional regulation, which leads to more positive social interactions, which leads to better health. Here's how it works.

Barbara Frederickson and her colleagues found a connection between a physiological measure of your vagus nerve activity and more positive emotions and social interactions. People with higher vagal tone, which has to do with heart regulation and the release of oxytocin, are happier and have more rewarding social interactions. After all, who wants to hang out with Debbie Downer? We're attracted to people who exude positivity and engage with us in upbeat ways.

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Men Take Heed…In Speed Dating Women Have the Power

You have three to eight minutes to snare a date, or two, or more; what's a girl to do? For starters, you can relax. Women actually have more power in the speed dating area. Why? Well for one thing, research shows they're more selective about their dates than men. I know, thank you Professor Obvious. Research still has some good tips to offer for the speed dating process.

In a Stanford study, researchers found that people do develop real connections with people when speed dating and those connections are dependent on several factors. It's important for men to listen, focus on the woman's concerns in conversation and show enthusiasm. Men should be careful about asking questions that connect to what the woman is saying, avoiding random questions just to fill the space. Guys, that means you need to be engaged and understanding. That's how you get picked.

Professor Obvious speaks again on speed dating findings for women...

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North Carolina Laws Making It Harder To Get Divorced

I’ve been cited in this article, North Carolina Lawmakers Consider Making it Harder to Get Divorce.

It’s about North Carolina’s legislature attempting to increase the wait time for divorce from one to two years.

I said, “My clinical experience would fall strongly against longer waiting periods. I have many examples in my practice and among my friends, relatives and acquaintances, of people who have been hurt emotionally and financially by these waiting periods. For example…Read more here…

I'm Quoted On Mama's Boys

I'm quoted in the article, "Why Mama's Boys Are Bad News," by Rachel Kleinman.

"If you want a baby to take care of, then have a baby, don't marry one." —Judith Tutin

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