9 Important Steps To Avoid Becoming A Tech DINOSAUR

When I went to college I felt estranged from my parents.

The only way we could communicate was with a landline, which I had to stand in line to use. Now I can shoot texts back and forth with my son, with links to interesting news bits, YouTube videos or music, and pictures of the cats doing dumb things while looking cute.

I get that you want to do things your own way, perhaps what you consider the "right" way. I completely understand. But there are some anachronisms in the 21^st century that are just plain annoying, even to a dinosaur like me. Making them will affect your relationships, dating and work life, and prevent effective communication.

Pretty please heed my advice and avoid these nine 21^st century faux pas:

1. Don't Leave Voicemail Messages

If you don't know this by now, here's the thing: No one under 35 listens to them. And if you do get a call back, don't expect the person to know what your message said because, and I hate to be redundant, no one listens to voicemail.

Read more here...

 

10 Ways Your Cell Phone Keeps You Disconnected

Being present in the moment means you experience things in real time without being sidetracked by interfering thoughts, worries or distractions. If you’re with someone, it means you’re connecting and listening. If you’re alone, it means you’re more engaged with your activity, relaxed or in flow.

Recent research suggests that our biological ability to connect with and have empathy for others can be affected by cell phone use. When interacting with someone, the cell phone becomes like a third wheel vying for attention. Even when you’re alone, your cell phone is like a 5-year-old, or worse, a group of them, constantly interrupting.

Want to improve your presence and connection? Don’t do the following with your device: 

Use it when you're having face time. I know you can multitask, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. You cannot truly engage with someone or with a group of people while responding to your virtual world. This includes meetings; so annoying to wait for someone to weigh in while they’re finishing their text. If you’re speaking loudly on your phone while in a group, you’re as involved with what the groups thinks as you are with the person with whom you’re speaking. 

Read more here...

 

Lose the Pros and Cons and Hire Your Next Partner

Have you ever made a list of the qualities you want in your next boyfriend? If you have, you're definitely not alone. Many of my clients come in with such lists. Some have the list in their heads, while others whip them out on pieces of paper, like a grocery list. 

Snarky, sexy and un-pierced may have replaced the old tall, dark, handsome, but we still like to list the pros and cons. We struggle to decide whether or not someone is boyfriend-material. 

I'd like to propose an alternative: hire your next boyfriend like Google hires its staff. Thomas L. Friedman's recent piece explains what Google looks for when they're interviewing. I think they're looking for exactly the type of person you're looking for. My take on these qualities includes: 

Humility. People who are humble don't blame others for their own mistakes. 

Read more here...

Men Take Heed…In Speed Dating Women Have the Power

You have three to eight minutes to snare a date, or two, or more; what's a girl to do? For starters, you can relax. Women actually have more power in the speed dating area. Why? Well for one thing, research shows they're more selective about their dates than men. I know, thank you Professor Obvious. Research still has some good tips to offer for the speed dating process.

In a Stanford study, researchers found that people do develop real connections with people when speed dating and those connections are dependent on several factors. It's important for men to listen, focus on the woman's concerns in conversation and show enthusiasm. Men should be careful about asking questions that connect to what the woman is saying, avoiding random questions just to fill the space. Guys, that means you need to be engaged and understanding. That's how you get picked.

Professor Obvious speaks again on speed dating findings for women...

Read more here...

The Pros And Cons Of Your Time On Facebook

For every Facebook article extolling its virtues, there’s another that warns of its dire social consequences. Do we feel validated by our social media friends, or devastated by them? Does Facebook increase our loneliness, or help us feel connected? The key to determining whether you’re on-line too much or need more face-time is to consider how you use social media, and how you experience the consequences.

Researchers studying Facebook use have identified a number of things you need to look out for as you evaluate your virtual experience.

What’s your reaction to the social comparisons? We compare ourselves to others all the time on every possible dimension. Physical appearance, popularity, success and wealth are some that come to mind when you think about the information you see on Facebook. Do I have as many friends? Is my job as good? Read more here...

Relationship Health and Satisfaction Messages

Psychology Today, always interesting, asks, Are you with the right mate?  Really, what most of us are asking is, How can I be in a more healthy and satisfying relationship?, which is exactly what the article addresses.  My take on the article’s tips:

*Surprise, surprise!  The early infatuation with your partner will fade.

*No matter how much it feels like they are, your partner is not responsible for your happiness.

*As with most important things in life, it’s up to you to create the relationship you want.

*It helps to start with identifying your relationship needs.

*Then you have to get the message out there and try to get your needs met.

*At the same time, you must try to understand and meet your partner’s needs.

*You and your spouse are different (and it would be terribly boring if you weren’t).

*It’s important to recognize that you cannot get all your needs met in one relationship.

*Relationships are dynamic, they’re always changing.  It’s a good thing.

And keep in mind, as the Gottman’s have pointed out with respect to communication in relationships, more positive talk and less negative talk are important to your relationship’s health.

Message in a Bottle, The Police