Change Your Thoughts And Your Life Will Change

The way you do one thing is the way you do everything has been rattling around in my head since January, the day I heard it twice in one single day. When something strikes me as interesting, and then it comes up again, I figure it might be important. I also apply this strategy when listening as a therapist or coach, evidence that the adage applies for me.

People come to me seeking change. They want to change their mood, their habits, their careers, their relationships, or their parenting style, among other things. It's wonderful to decide you want to make important changes in your life. 

The problem is that the way you do one thing does seem to be the way you do most things. Notice I got rid of everything. There's Perfect Pete, rarely coloring outside the lines, desperately following the rules, despite the misery it brings. Read more here...

The Five Benefits of a Well-Organized Life

One of my clients wants to work on how to be more like a grown-up; she wonders if she needs a schedule. Another bemoans the need for routine in her diet to help her lose weight.  A third client wants to start an exercise program but hates the idea of scheduling it. There's something about the myriad routines and schedules of adult life that many of us resist. 

The Big Think's mention of a new book by Mason Curry, about the daily rituals of successful, creative people, reinforced my position that routines are essential for achievement in anything and everything. 

While I prefer the word "routine" to "ritual," the latter provoking images of questionable, dark practices, people who get things done often lead very structured lives. 

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Lose the Pros and Cons and Hire Your Next Partner

Have you ever made a list of the qualities you want in your next boyfriend? If you have, you're definitely not alone. Many of my clients come in with such lists. Some have the list in their heads, while others whip them out on pieces of paper, like a grocery list. 

Snarky, sexy and un-pierced may have replaced the old tall, dark, handsome, but we still like to list the pros and cons. We struggle to decide whether or not someone is boyfriend-material. 

I'd like to propose an alternative: hire your next boyfriend like Google hires its staff. Thomas L. Friedman's recent piece explains what Google looks for when they're interviewing. I think they're looking for exactly the type of person you're looking for. My take on these qualities includes: 

Humility. People who are humble don't blame others for their own mistakes. 

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My One True Love Has Never Forsaken Me

My Valentine's Day musings led me consider my true loves. Since I am the post-divorce queen, I thought a lot about what my sisters and brothers are going through post-divorce. I worried about all those in the land of the single, wondering when their next Valentine would arrive. 

I realized that there is only one true love that has never forsaken me.

These are some of the things I noticed about my true love:

• We were friends first. 
•  I explored my doubts and didn't rush things.
• When I was ready, I totally committed and put all my eggs in one basket.
• I am not jealous in this relationship. 
•  I always feel I can be authentic.

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What I Love About The Amazing Lena Dunham

Why is it so surprising that Lena Dunham's Vogue cover was airbrushed? It's not, of course. What is actually surprising is that this edgy, unique, quirky, eccentric, female talent is on the cover of Vogue at all. Far from model-thin, she has this beautiful face that someone you know might have, not the standard beauty of a Hollywood actress. 

You don't have to be twenty-something to find Dunham inspiring. These are my takeaways:

• ”Some shit is just too ridiculous to engage," as she Tweeted about this whole Vogue controversy. In other words, don't sweat the small stuff. It may take a few deep, cleansing breaths and a good talk with a girlfriend to realize it's small stuff, but try to figure it out.

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