The Olympics Remind Us About Lucky Charms And Other Power Objects

Olympic athletes wear lucky socks and bras, and keep four-leaf clover rings and lucky dinosaurs. These are just a few of the lucky charms, or power objects, I read about during the recent games. I'm sure we would find more if we had an opportunity to rifle through all the athletes' belongings.

You may not be getting ready to medal, but maybe you're about to go on a first date, give a speech, or interview for a job, and feel the need for a lucky charm yourself. There's nothing lucky about these charms, so I prefer the term power object. They work, but not in such mysterious ways. It's a three-step process.

Step one. When you use a power object, you first clarify your intention for your desired outcome. It's always easier to get what you want when your vision of it is clear. For example, you place mala beads (the power object) on your desk. Each time you notice the beads you will tell yourself, "be calm and breathe" (your intention), so you will be brilliant during your job interview (the outcome).

Step two. The second step is strengthening the links between the power object, intention, and outcome, through repetition. Every time you notice the power object you're reminded of your intention to stay calm and breathe. You take a few breaths each time. You're reinforcing the belief that you can control the situation and produce a positive outcome through your behavior. With each breath, that positive outcome starts to feel more likely. With each repetition, you start to feel more empowered.

Step three. The final step is using the object in the stressful situation. When you go into a stressful situation like a job interview, you may keep the beads in your pocket as a concrete reminder of your intention to stay calm and breathe. This intention has now become effortlessly attached to the power object. As a result, you feel calmer in the situation. Your desired outcome, a brilliant performance, is attainable.

Your power object can be a stone, a photo or any object that makes sense and feels right to you. You can have the object in a purse, have it pop up on your phone, or create another process that works for you. The repeated connection between the intention and the object gives you that extra sense of control over the outcome. You have created your own lucky charm that provides that Olympian power you need for a challenge.

10 Things You Really Don’t Want In A Happy Relationship

When you first meet, your partner is almost perfect. There's the breathlessness of passion and the constant surprise of new things you have in common. You totally know this is your soulmate, the person you've been looking for your whole life. As time passes you still love your soulmate, but you begin to wonder if you're "in love" with them. Even though they give you so many things you want, you begin questioning whether you can be happy in the relationship.

These are the things that could doom your once-happy relationship.

1. Persistent criticism. You get very little praise and, instead, a frequent litany of your shortcomings. You're talking too loud, not cooking it right, snoring, or putting on weight. When you try to point out the problem to your partner, you're told you can't accept feedback. If the list of your failings seems to have no end in sight, the end might be in sight.

2. Not enough time together. Dating was great at first; you went to parties, traveled, played tennis and spent a lot of time together. Now, you might have dinner together but most of your activities are separate. You feel like they're just not that into you. You encourage more togetherness, but when you're rebuffed you start to wonder why you're still there.

3. Feeling unsupported. The flip side of not enough time together is not enough time to pursue your own interests and goals. Your partner doesn't want you hanging with your friends, spending time on career advancement, or pursuing important personal goals. You ask for the space and time you need to flourish, but don't get the support.

4. Frequent feelings of anger or depression. When the relationship is suffering, externalizers tend to feel angry, internalizers feel depressed. Identify the triggers to these negative emotions and find out if addressing them with your partner helps your mood.  No one wants to be in a relationship that makes them furious or sucks the life out of them.

5. Being controlled.  Your partner makes unilateral decisions about things that affect you both. A tip-off here is when you're asked for your opinion (Where would you like to have dinner?) which is then summarily dismissed (I'm not in the mood for Italian).  Dinner aside, there are many important issues that beg for collaboration, not dictatorial edicts.

6. Disagreement about monogamy, sex and commitment. One wants to marry, the other, to cohabit. One wants an open relationship, the other, not so much. One wants to date other people, the other, definitely not. One wants to swing, the other is willing to try, but it's not really their thing. There's too much sex, or not enough. You must find common ground on these issues, or you're both going to be unhappy.

7. Lack of communication. Everyone talks when they're first dating. Or you're so infatuated you don't notice your partner's distance. It's painful to feel your partner doesn't want to share or isn't interested in what you think and feel. If discussion doesn't get you the level of communication you need, you're likely to feel invisible and marginalized.

8. Conflict about finances. Although differences relating to money are inevitable, in a good relationship you can compromise and live happily ever after. An inability to come to agreement on financial issues bodes poorly for the health of a relationship. You must find common ground because so many important decisions concern money.

9. Differences about drinking or drugs. After the honeymoon period is over, you notice your partner drinks too much or uses sleeping pills too regularly. How much is too much? That's entirely up to you. If your red flag goes up, pay attention. Talk it out and see if there's a way to make it work for both of you. What's uncomfortable for you now will not improve later.

10. Diminished trust. First you may notice exaggerations. Then there are small lies or omissions which grow bigger over time. Finally, you find yourself questioning everything your partner says. When you can't trust your partner to be honest and truthful, there's a crucial piece missing in your relationship.

If you're experiencing one of these problems, ask yourself, and your soulmate, if it's fixable. Happy relationships provide companionship, yet foster autonomy with respect to personal goals. They involve intimacy, sharing and positivity. There's passion, not necessary physical, and commitment, not necessarily marriage. Now ask whether your soulmate is really providing you with the elements of a happy relationship.

Reprinted from YourTango