Get Out of the Post-Divorce Doldrums…It's Spring!

Spring is a great time for renewal, reinvigoration and reinvention. It's a time to leave the post-divorce doldrums behind. 

You can get stuck in the doldrums after any period of stress like divorce, maybe even anytime after you hit the big 5-0. An area near the equator, the doldrums are famous for diabolical transitions from calm to squalls, with, by one definition, "light, baffling winds." The doldrums can keep a ship stuck. If this sounds like your life, you're not alone. 

As any life coach will tell you, anytime is a good time to move forward in your life. With the sun shining a little more and life returning all around us, spring is a really good time to seriously consider taking a few steps to leave the doldrums behind and start smelling the flowers again.

Change is different for everyone. Some of my suggestions may float your boat, others may not. Both will trigger thoughts of things you might like to try. To see big changes in your life, you can start by trying something new. 

Read more here...

 

Manage Your Energy to Move Ahead

I was revisiting a great book, The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz, and was struck by the simplicity of their basic axioms.  Following them makes it seem like a straight shot from Point A (where I am now) to Point B (where I’d like to move to).

*To be fully engaged in our activities we draw on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual sources of energy.

Interpretation:  You can’t ignore any of these components of your life.

*Energy expenditure and renewal are equally important.

Interpretation:  You can’t sit on your butt and expect to feel energetic, but you also can’t ignore your need to recharge.

*Reaching our full potential requires pushing beyond our usual limits.

nterpretation:  You can’t coast and expect to feel engaged; you’ve got to push the envelope.

*Positive energy rituals are critical for high performance.

Interpretation:  You have to have specific strategies for creating positive energy (e.g., meditation, prayer, deep breathing).  You can’t just wait for the positivity to come.

*Change requires defining your purpose, facing your truth and taking action.

Interpretation: Not only do you have to identify your goals, you must face the hard truths about yourself and others and act according to those truths.  You can’t put your head in the sand and expect to feel fully engaged and energized in your life.

My suggestion:  Choose one place in your life where you’d like some movement.  Can you get back to doing something that gave you a sense of meaning, peace or energy?  Can you do more, or less, than you’re doing right now?  Can you push the envelope somewhere?  Can you introduce a positive ritual?  Can you face a hard truth and take the difficult step you’ve been avoiding?  It’s great stuff.  Just take a shot.

Crank it up with Pat Benatar.  Hit me with your best shot.

When Did You Mysteriously Stop Doing…?

 I used to love reading mysteries.  At some point, I decided I didn’t have the time and it wasn’t really productive reading.  I just finished The Private Patient, by PD James and really enjoyed it. I even got some ideas from it (like this blog).

I’ve heard the same refrain, wistfully, from a number of people in the last week:

I used to [paint, write poetry, play music, etc], but…

Is there something you used to do?  I don’t mean something you’re happy not to do, like get drunk on Friday night, drive too fast or, well, you get the idea.  But is there something you used to enjoy doing that you’ve given up?  Was it something that renewed your energy and gave you a little more zest?

Reasons people give for giving up things they love include, but are not limited to:

*I don’t have time

*It makes my bf, gf, mother, spouse, etc., nervous, competitive, etc.

*I’m not that good at it

*It seems stupid

*I don’t make money doing it

*It’s not important

I see way too many people these days with no hobbies, interests or activities that they engage in just for fun.  They work, take care of kids or other family members and maintain households.   They do things like plant gardens that will look nice but they have no time to enjoy them.  They go out to lunch with people they don’t like that much because they ought to.  They paint rooms in their homes because they think they should.

Stop for a moment and consider if there are things you used to enjoy doing that have mysteriously slipped out of your life.  Consider whether you’d like to have them back.  I know it takes a little time, but does that spare room really need to be straightened out this week?  Can you leave work behind for the 30 minutes it would take to listen to a little music?  Go crazy and cook that fantastic dish that’s going to take an extra hour to make, just for the fun of it.  Or just pick up your favorite mystery writer’s latest.

Just for fun: Mysterious Ways, U2

Walking in Memphis, or Downtown?

The current issue of Psychology Today mentions research by Stephen Kaplan at the University of Michigan. He and his colleagues study urban forests. They conclude that a walk in the park improves cognitive abilities more than a walk downtown.
It’s not surprising. Getting around downtown requires a lot of attention and concentration. Witness the experience of the once inveterate New Yorker; now a country-bumpkin, she realizes during a visit that considerable attention must be paid to avoid stepping in front of oncoming cabs and figuring out what that smell really is. It’s work. On the other hand, in country-bumpkinland, noticing deer, rabbits, ducks and leaves is interesting, yet not cognitively demanding. It’s relaxing and renewing.

We know that being in nature improves stress management and decreases negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Apparently, it also improves cognition.
So even though all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I’d skip both Downtown and Walking in Memphis. Instead, consider listening to the tunes on your iPod while having a stroll in a more natural environment. Can't get to the country? Central Park will do just fine.