Healthy Living and Plastic Surgery?

My local paper ran a “Healthy Living” section one recent Sunday.  I suspect it’s just another way to get advertising money.  One of the ads, for a “plastic surgery center,” which I suspect is just one physician trying to make himself sound like an institution, caught my eye.  It listed the top 8 reasons women (of course) seek plastic surgery.  In all fairness, I recently read that men are seeking plastic surgery with alarming frequency as well.  But the top 8 include, as you might expect, getting rid of wrinkles and “unwanted hair.”  Also in the list are increasing boobage and lip size.  Then there are the removals, of fat, bags and “extra skin.” 

You’re reading a section of the paper about healthy living, and you see ads for surgery right next to articles about yoga, sunscreen and household mold.  What’s wrong with this picture?

How about acceptance of who we are instead of focusing on our inadequacies?  If we’re not happy with who we are how about working on changing who we are inside, not outside? 

Mental note:  questions to ask self before signing up for plastic surgery:

1.  Is this going to make me a better person?

2.  Is this going to make me happy?

3.  If I gave the money I’m going to spend on this to someone in need, would that make me happier?

4.  If I spent this money on myself  in some other way (e.g., joining a gym, taking a class, taking a trip, hiring a coach!) would that make me happier?

5.  What do I really need to be happier?

On the very same day I read “Healthy Living,” I came across Tina Fey’s “Twelve Tenets of Looking Amazing Forever,” in her awesomely funny memoir, Bossypants.  Number twelve is touted as the most important one to remember:

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty.  “Who cares?”

I rest my case.

For fun:  Vogue, Madonna

Friendliness in Murfreesboro, TN and Other Places

One of the things I’ve noticed living in the South, is how friendly people are.  When I run near home, people always say hi, wave a hand or give a nod.  The first time I ran on Cape Cod after living in Georgia for a year, I was struck by the lack of acknowledgement.   I’ve run all over the world and I’m struck by the variability in friendliness.

Among Seligman’s signature strengths are loving and being loved, and kindness and generosity.  They fall under the general heading Humanity and Love.  Also relevant are several strengths falling under the general heading of Transcendence.  These include gratitude and sense of purpose.  It seems to me that having strengths in these areas could account for some of the differences.  We know there are regional personality differences.

At the top of the friendliness thermometer are places where I say hi, 99% of people say hi back, and lots say hi first.  In the middle, are places where 50% say hi back, most don’t say hi first, but most kids in little bike trailers and jogging strollers wave.  At the bottom are places where few say high back, virtually none say hi first and even the little kids don’t acknowledge me.  In these places you start to wonder if you’ve entered the twilight zone and have mysteriously become invisible.

How hard is it to say hi or otherwise acknowledge a fellow human?  Particularly when you’re responding to someone else and you don’t have to initiate and run the risk of, heaven forbid, rejection.  But what if you do take the leap, initiate, and said hi to a stranger?  I can almost guarantee you’ll feel a little jolt of good-will, especially if they respond positively.  It has to be a happiness-boosting activity.  And Murfreesboro, I'd give you an 8 out of 10. 

Never Hear Surf Music Again, Free Blood

College and Your Signature Strengths

While Mike Rose, author of Why School?, says you have to think about the cost of college in relation to the benefits, he also points out that it’s not just a question of the economics.  Indeed, his points all relate to values that underlie signature strengths.

Rose asks that we consider what it means to be educated.  In addition to how much you’re going to earn, consider the following reasons to consider education beyond high school, and the strengths I associate with each:

Civic purpose – To have a functioning democracy in which the citizens understand something about politics and economics.  Strengths:  Citizenship, Leadership

Intellectual growth – Learning enables you to find interests and pursuits that expand your vision.  Strengths:  Judgment, Critical thinking, Love of learning

Social benefit – Education helps us learn to think together and sometimes disagree, to problem solve together, and it exposes us to other points of view.  Strengths:  Open-mindedness, Perspective, Teamwork

A place to experiment – College is a place you can figure out what you want to do with your life and find your passion.  Strengths:  Future-mindedness, Sense of purpose, Zest, Enthusiasm, Passion

I say you consider tweaking your strengths by continuing your education, at any phase of life.

Meditative Psychology & The Art of Flourishing

Just out today is Dr. Jeffrey Rubin’s The Art of Flourishing: A New East-West Approach to Staying Sane and Finding Love in an Insane World.  Rubin uses his own brand of ”Meditative Psychology” to address challenges of modern life like information overload, demoralization and alienation.  The book proposes to help us “access hope.”  Rubin identifies twelve qualities that can help you flourish.  They’re not the usual positive psychology exhortations to increase PERMA.  Rubin talks about some of the lovely eastern concepts of expanding inner space, cultivating clarity and practicing self-care.

I’ve just had a quick peek and I’m really looking forward to settling down with it.  You may want to check it out.

It Doesn’t Take 127 Hours to Flourish

When I first thought about what to say about flourishing, it seemed important, but dry.  Martin Seligman’s new book, Flourishing, identifies 5 critical facets of well-being.  I’ve also been considering what I wanted to say about 127 hours, the amazing film about the amazing experience of Aron Ralston trapped in a canyon in Utah.  And then it came together.  The Ralston portrayed in the film displayed so many of the characteristics of happiness and flourishing. 

Positive emotion – James Franco as Ralston ventures into the Utah desert and exudes positive feelings like pleasure and joy.  They practically explode from his being.

Engagement – You can feel his experience of flow, as he practically flies through the difficult terrain on his bike or on foot.

Relationships – Ralston falls a little short in this department, one of the themes of the film.  Seligman says you have to have positive relationships, i.e., someone you can call in 4:00AM.  Ralston has his mother, but he shirks his responsibility to her a bit, recognizing this and his desire to relate differently with others.

Meaning – Finding meaning and purpose in one’s activities, something bigger then ourselves is something Ralston discovers during the course of his ordeal.

Accomplishment – Achieving goals for the sake of accomplishing something you desire is also so clearly presented.  Ralston just loves doing it.  You can tell.  It doesn’t matter what’s going to come of it.  He’s going to get out there and succeed. 

Flourishing is more than happiness (which is more than just feeling good).  It also includes other things that are important to us humans.   One of those things is accomplishing something for accomplishment’s sake.  Another is the importance of relationships; good things tend to involve others. 

Consider how you fare in each of the areas.  What can you add or change?  Do you need more activities that generate positive emotions?  More challenging projects?  Work on your relationships?  More meaningful pursuits?  A greater sense of accomplishment?

When you consider taking on a new task, relationship or project, consider how it might contribute to your satisfaction in one or more of the five areas.

Do something today to boost your well-being.  You can start with a listen:

Lovely Day.  Bill Withers

He Says She Says. Gossip is Protective

Does it come as a surprise that the human brain is wired for gossip?  The more we know about people, the more quickly we know whether or not we want to know them better.  Apparently, we’re just lazy.  Why bother to go to the trouble of asking someone about themselves when we can just find out from a friend?  The recent study by Lisa Feldman Barrett and her colleagues demonstrated that when we believe someone has done something bad, we actually look at them more carefully.  Presumably, this is to be better able to assess their threat.  Or possibly to figure out what’s wrong with them so we can use it against them.  It makes sense.

Does research provide carte blanche to gossip?  I think not.  Just because we’re wired to gossip doesn’t mean we have to secretively discuss people and their every flaw and faux pas.  There are those who believe that gossip has the additional purpose of alerting us to potential moral pitfalls and potential social missteps.  We hear about the mistakes of others via the grapevine and it gives us a heads up vis-à-vis our own behavior.

Naturally, some of us love to talk.  And gossip is a form of talk.  Didja hear about so-and-so?  It gives you a bit of an edge in the never-ending battle of one-upsmanship.  I know something you don’t know.

So what’s a thinking person to do?  How about an experiment?  Don’t gossip tomorrow.  When you’re tempted, consider the purpose.  Are you out to hurt someone?  Expose them?  Learn more about them?  Where’s the value?  What’s the good in it?  What’s an alternative?  Is it just harmless conversation?

Personally, I think we’ve evolved far enough to have a limited need for protective gossip.  If someone isn’t particularly nice, I’ll find out soon enough.  Most of us can probably figure out whether we’re about to make a mistake, without hearing about someone else’s.  Surely we can ascertain whether our behavior is moral or immoral, consistent with our values or not.

It took me by surprise I must say

When I found out yesterday…

I heard it through the grapevine, Marvin Gaye

Happy Mental Health Month!

Do you know it’s mental health month?  According to the American Psychological Association, mental health is "the way your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors affect your life. Having good mental health helps you make better decisions and deal with daily stressors at home, at work, and in your family."

What does this have to do with you?  I can’t imagine a better time to take your mental health temperature.  Or think of it as a mental health self-exam, or self study.

I’m challenging you to examine where you stand in a number of areas identified by Robert Walsh as therapeutic lifestyle factors.  These factors represent all the things you know you ought to do to feel better about yourself and function better in the world.   Walsh has found that changes in these factors improve well-being and optimize cognitive functioning.  These factors include, not surprisingly:

*Regular exercise
*Healthy diet (lot of vegetables, fruit and fish)
*Spending time in nature
*Serving your community
*Having healthy relationships
*Engaging in recreation and relaxation
*Active spiritual life

On a scale of 1 to 10, where do you stand in each area?  Pick one area and deciding on one small change.   It could be walking for 10 minutes 3 days a week, eating veggies with dinner daily, calling a friend once a week…you get the idea.  Choose one thing and practice it regularly.  Try more if you can. Do it for your mental health.