Wednesday, December 11, 2013

No One Regrets Not Eating That Cookie

A client of mine and I spoke recently about the stress of facing the multitude of holiday parties packed with cookies, candy, cakes and other problem foods, just as she was making progress on her new and improved healthy meal plan. She resolved to pass on all the junk, noting, "Coming home from a party, I never regret not eating that cookie." She'll wear a bracelet during the holidays to remind her of that observation. It got me thinking about other non-regrets and ways to be happy this holiday season of giving, love and forgiveness. What are some things that you can give up or add on to make your holidays brighter, cheerier, better and calmer? Here are some suggestions! 

During the holidays, no one regrets:
  • Not having that last glass of wine. Maybe three is your limit. If so, now's the time to resolve to stick to it. When you arrive home compos mentis, having passed up that offer to stop for an impromptu holiday drink with your ex, you will not feel bad about passing up the wine. Read more here...

Sunday, November 24, 2013

10 Ingredients Of Successful Couples Therapy

When Bob and Carol come into my office the first time, two things about them are immediately clear to me. Bob thinks Carol needs to change and he’s just along for the ride; Carol is certain Bob needs to make all the changes. It’s a recipe for disaster. Whether it’s couples counseling, relationship coaching or marital therapy, there are a few things that can help you get started on the right foot and stay true to your goal of improving your relationship.
1.   Be willing to change. There are some circumstances in which it is about one of you, for example, active addiction and active abuse. For most couples it's about the relationship. Blaming your partner for everything, or expecting them to be the only one to make changes, is doomed to fail. You must both participate actively.

2. Show up. Be on time and don’t cancel sessions. Make it a priority. Read more here...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Life Lessons From My Maiden Marathon

I have run my entire adult life. I ran my way from my first marriage, back into college, and right into a divorce. I ran my way into grad school and by the time I finished I'd run in at least twelve states, the District of Columbia, the US Virgin Islands and Canada. I ran my way through my first couple of jobs, and a second marriage and divorce. At that point I estimate I'd run in another eleven states and six other countries. Not until I entered my first race, 10 years ago, did I consider myself a "real" runner.  

Lesson 1. Don't sell yourself short. If you run, you're a runner. You don't have to wait for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval to be something. If you write, you're a writer. Read more here...

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Face New Challenges With Irrational Optimism

While investigating high performance, I came across the idea of irrational optimism. Matthew Syed attributes to Arsene Wenger, of Arsenal FC fame, the statement: "No top performer has lacked this capacity for irrational optimism…the ability to remove doubt from his mind." In other words, you do not consider the possibility of failure when you're being irrationally optimistic. Why irrational? Because, naturally, in any significant endeavor, there is always a possibility of failure. The irrational optimism is in having no doubt about your future success.

Recent research findings tell us that being pessimistic may help the elderly live longer. Of course I want people to live longer. What troubles me is the idea that if we consider optimism to be irrational in certain situations, we may conclude that optimism is bad. Read more here...